My Psycho Ex- Husband
by kerizendaya
Summary: After marrying Edward Cullen, the fairy tale ends for Bella and she experiences his dark side. Can friends and family help her escape her abusive marriage?
1. Chapter 1

MY Psycho Ex- Husband.

chapter 1 Getting Out

"Come on, EJ," I call behind me to my three year old son carrying his teddy bear. The night sky is navy blue and there is barely any stars out tonight. Holding a bag of laundry, I stick the key into my Mercedes Benz.

"Mama, what about daddy?" EJ asks, walking down the porch steps.

"Come on," I say. What do I say to him? Forget daddy. He won't stop until he kills me? EJ doesn't understand any of that now. All he sees is his loving father who never misses his favorite cartoon shows that they watch together before he leaves for work in the mid mornings. I get the door open and dump the bag on the seat. I open the side door and get EJ's car seat ready for him. He hops inside it and I make sure it's comfortable and tight. I put the laundry bag in the back next to his car seat. I take one long look at EJ as he is hugging his favorite teddy bear and staring back at me with his green eyes. He looks just like Edward.

Is it wrong if that annoys me? Because it does. I'm about to close the door.

"Mama, where are we going?" EJ asks, a weary expression on his face. Some place safe. No, I can't say that. That would mean that something is wrong. "To visit Uncle Jacob, baby," I say. EJ smiles, oblivious. I shut the door. I rattle the key in the ignition, and at the same time, my cell phone rings. I close the door and start backing out of the wide, long driveway. I answer my phone.

"Hello?" I ask, looking out the back window, my sudden smile falls on EJ.

"Bella, this is suicide," Alice Cullen, my sister in law. Her musical voice chimes in my ear. "You know you can't do this."

"Yeah, yeah. He'll get angry. But, what other options do I have?" I ask, my voice dull. My hand is shaking as I am holding the phone up to my ear.

"Jacob is not going to make anything better," Alice says, bitterly. She hates Jake.

"If I go to anyone else, they'll let him come and get me. You know that. You would give me up to him, too. I got no place else. You can't see it, but my lip is so fat right now." I'm looking into my compact mirror. "Well, maybe you can see it. Seeing as your psychic and all." I roll my eyes.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"You always say that."

"I wish," She says with force. "I wish I could do something."

"What you can do is keep your mouth shut," I say, almost driving into our mailbox as I'm pulling out of the driveway. The Cullens painted across it in cursive. I never told Alice I was going anywhere today. She called because she saw this coming. Hopefully, she won't run into Edward today who conveniently picks through people's thoughts. My car splashes in a pool of water on the side of the road. Two hours later, EJ is asleep. His head on his shoulder, the teddy bear stuck to his little hand. My smile trembles as I come closer to the LaPush sign. Almost there.

chapter 2 The Here and Now

The reservation looks deserted at night. No one is out walking around. Everyone's inside, asleep. The roads end at the sign. From here on out, it's just flat dirt. I remember where he lives. Where I saw him last I was here. The same place I ran to when I first got hit. But I didn't tell him why I came. All he knew was that I was crying and hysterical. It could have been for anything. But the truth was I just couldn't believe it. He would hit me? His wife? I drag my Mercedes in front of the two story apartment complex. Very different from the three story mansion I just escaped from. A few lights are on. Maybe I should have called. This was a spur of the moment thing. I was feeling brave. I finally got enough strength and courage, but who knows how long those super powers will last me. Or how long it will it take me to gather them up again. A light that wasn't on before comes on on the second story. I keep my headlights on. It's Jake stepping out. He knows it's me, unlike the couple of people peeking out their windows at my car, curiously. He leans his tall, muscular body over the railing. I get out and he smiles big. I must not be smiling back, because his just faded. He must have caught sight of my lip.

I go to the side and get EJ out.

"Jacob!" EJ says. I dip into the back seat to pull out the laundry bag. Then I close the door and turn around. I shouldn't be stunned. Jacob moves fast. He scoops EJ up in his arms for a warm hug. He's shaking his head at my lip.

"When you gonna learn, Bells?" Jacob asks. "How long you gonna stay this time?"

"Until he comes and gets me," I say, my voice cynical.

"That's the spirit," Jacob says, being sarcastic as usual. I carry my bag up the metal stairs. Jacob is behind me with EJ.

"Is Leah here?" I ask. They were dating last time I checked.

"She's at Sue's. We argued. It's nothing," Jacob says.

"He doesn't know you're here right?" Jake asks, he puts EJ on his feet. Inside, the little boy scurries over to the bed.

"No," I say, unsure of myself.

"Only a matter of time before he sends one of his minions, or he finally figures out a way to come on to the land on his own," Jacob says.

"Don't.. talk like that," I say in a low voice, trying to whisper. "He has ears." I look at sleepy EJ.

"Yeah. I'm sorry," Jacob says. He puts his hands on his waist, his heather gray wife beater clinging to his chest like a second skin. He's wearing white sweatpants and is barefoot. "You guys can have the bed. I'll take my couch."

"Thanks, Jake," I say, tucking EJ in the soft blankets. I take out the blanket that Rene gave me as a present one year. I lay it across EJ. I put the laundry bag by the bed and sit on the edge. Jacob turns off the tv.

"Goodnight," He says, almost smiling. The look he gives me is bittersweet. It's just a friend helping a friend. I always wonder what it would have been like if I had walked down the isle with Jacob instead of Edward. Is it too late to find out. Not saying I regret EJ. If I could have EJ without everything else, I would.

" 'Night," I respond.

He goes into the small living room. I lay on top of the blankets beside EJ and put my arm over him. I kiss his rosy cheek and whisper to him good night.


	2. Chapter 3 Rising Like the Sun

chapter 3 Rising Like the Sun

The sunlight comes in through the window above our heads. The bright ray forcing me awake. I squint from the envading light, covering my face with my hand. I sit up. EJ is still asleep, sleeping like a baby. I don't know what I should do first. Maybe get some breakfast for us. I get up and turn the tv on for EJ when he wakes up. I walk down the narrow hallway and I hear simmering. The familiar sound makes me smile.

"Mmm. Something smells great," I note, walking with my eyes barely open.

"It's just eggs and french toast," Jacob shrugs, trying to keep his smile on the inside. "Where's EJ? Not an early bird?"

"He's actually not a morning person. The farthest he'll go is in front of a tv. He'll stay there all morning long." Jacob fixes me a plate.

"Sorry. I'm out of bacon."

"That's fine," I assure him. He puts more french toast on my plate and then puts the spatula down. "This is more than enough."

"Damn, you eat like a bird," He says. "I was planning on taking us all to the diner, but I didn't feel like waiting for you guys to get up. My mind was just everywhere. At least it's a home cooked meal."

"What were you thinking about?" I ask, taking a bite of french toast. I think I know. Why did I even ask that.

"Just life in general," He says. Thankfully, he doesn't want to say it to my face, right now.

"You talked to Charlie?" He sees me roll my eyes.

"Charlie hasn't called in so long," I say.

"Are you sure?" Jacob asks. "He says he calls you like crazy. Are your phones working?" I take too long to answer. "Anyway, he came down here a couple of days of ago. I finally spotted him," He says, leaning his elbow on the counter. "When people said it, I just couldn't believe it. But I finally saw it for myself."

"What are you even talking about?" I chuckle.

"Charlie is seeing Sue," Jacob says. I spit out my eggs, surprised. Jacob's eyes widen at me.

"You're lying," I say.

"Sneaking around like two teenagers," Jacob nods.

"That's hilarious," I say. "I mean I'm happy for them, but I never thought."

"Neither did I," Jacob says. "They're the latest trending topic in town. Funny thing is, they have no clue everyone knows their secret's out. still sneaking around."

"That's cool. Go dad." Jacob laughs.

"Mama," I hear EJ. I turn around and he's frowning at me. "You left me."

"Come here. Look, Jake made us breakfast." He crawls into my lap. "He has to get use to the room, I guess," I tell Jacob. He nods. EJ eats the rest of the food on my plate. Jacob watches.

"I can make you some more," He offers.

"Oh no. I'm actually full," I put my hand on my stomach and it growls, embarrassingly for me. Jacob makes a face, catching me in a lie. The front door swings open, letting in bright sunlight. A tall, skinny woman is standing in the doorway. She looks unpleasantly surprised. "Hi, Leah," I say quickly. If EJ wasn't sitting on my lap, I would have stood up.

"Why is she here?" She asks Jacob. Then she turns to me. "Hi, Bella."

"Hi," I repeat myself. Unlike with Jake, the first thing Leah sees when she looks at me is not my fat lip. To her, I'm just the same old girl, Bella, the heartbreaker, the man stealer. It's my stigma when ever I'm on the reserve. That's what I'm known for. And when people are gossiping about me, that's what they're saying. Even though it's old news, it pops back up whenever I get anywhere near Jacob. When they first got together, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't take it. I was jealous as all hell. I drove two hours down to LaPush just to throw myself at Jacob. Weird, considering I was married and still am. I wasn't trying to break them up, I was just stunned. I have never seen Jake with anyone. I felt like if I couldn't have him, which is totally my fault, then no one would. I don't feel like that anymore. My feelings for him are not completely gone. I can't tell if they're vanishing on their own, or if I'm just suppressing them for the sake of my marriage and Edward's feelings.

"They spent the night," Jacob says, defensively.

"What's the matter? You're mansion not cozy enough, so you have to come over to our dump?" Leah asks, rhetorically.

"Leah," Jacob rations.

"We'll find a hotel or some place," I stand up, holding EJ.

"No. That's not necessary. She's just mad," Jacob says. I'm standing in an uneasy position. "Leah, you want some eggs?" Jacob asks.

"No, I don't want any eggs," Leah responds, snide. I don't know if I should sit back down or run out the door. Jacob laughs to himself, but I'm about to pee my pants. She scares me, sometimes.


	3. Chapter 4

chapter 4 Everything and Nothing at All

"Let me know when you're done babysitting," Leah says, leaving.

"Leah," Jacob almost yells. She goes back out and closes the door.

"Sorry, you know how she gets."

"She hates me. I know," I say. I put EJ down and he runs to the bedroom. Jacob wants to say that's not true, but he knows it's true. After I have a shower and give EJ a bath, I let him watch cartoons. I clench my cell phone in my hand as if I am anticipating a call. I feel myself getting worked up like something is about to happen. The whole time, Jacob is watching me with a worried look on his face. Jacob leaves and then comes back with a moist rag.

"You missed a spot," He says. Gently forcing me to sit down on the arm of the sofa. He dabs at my lip with the rag. "Your heart is beating like crazy. Relax. You're safe with me." A little blood oozes out of my lip. Jacob strains his face. "I think you need a bandage. It just keeps coming."

"Well, don't touch it!" I knock his hand down. He looks at me. I stand up and start pacing. "I want a divorce. I need. I need to get out of here. I need to move to another country," I babble. Jacob grabs my shoulders.

"Great. Now, you're making sense," He says. "Just do it."

"I can't. He'll stop it. He'll kill me. I know he will. I know he will," I say, getting worked up.

"He won't touch you."

"He'll have me killed. Or he'll do it himself and cover it up. He can get away with it. He's a vampire.. and he's rich!"

"You shouldn't have married him in the first place."

"The love. It's all gone. It only lasted a few years and then boom. We're stuck with each other. Bored out of our wits. Sometimes, I think he just beats up on me just for fun."

"If you die, we'll all know why. We'll get him."

"Kill him. Do it, now. You have my permission."

" I don't need your permission and he hasn't turned anyone into a vampire. So, I can't just kill him."

"Jake, I don't know if you understand. That first hit, it takes everything out of you. Everything becomes a lie. And what you thought was yours belongs to the devil now. And every hit after that is just torture. Yeah, it hurts. But the worst pain is building up on the inside. You feel weak when you're not." Jacob's arms come down on me and he squeezes me.

"I'll drive with you to the courthouse and you get those papers."

"No. I wanna wait. I can't go back to Forks now."

"How much longer are you gonna wait, huh? Until after you're dead?"

"Papers don't mean anything. Papers aren't gonna stop him."

"Take EJ. You guys go down to the beach. Try to have a little fun. I'll think of something."

"No, Jake. This isn't your battle. It's mine."

"But I wanna help you. I don't want you to die. Bella, I don't ever wanna have to look down and see you laying in a casket, especially. Especially because of Edward." Jacob grinds his teeth.

"I need to be conspicuous. Can I leave my car here and take someone else's for when I leave?"

"You can take my truck."

"No. He knows your Volkswagen."

"It won't be difficult to trade the Mercedes with one of the local's vehicles. That car sticks out like a sore thumb. It's nice, though I got to admit. I'll take care of that. You head down to the beach."

"EJ," I call, going into Jacob's room. "Wanna go to the beach with mommy?" I ask, making my voice sound upbeat.

"But I'm watching cartoons," He whines, as I'm pulling him off the floor.

"Trust me. You're going to love the beach much better than cartoons."

"Mommy, you're mean!" I pick him up while he's kicking his legs and we leave. The beach is walking distance.

"You'll have a new ride when you get back," Jacob says.

I let EJ kick until he gets tired of kicking, and his body goes limp in my arms. The sand on the beach is white and the water is clear blue. It's peaceful and quiet. I put EJ down and he runs out to the edge of the water. He stands there and lets the water come up over his feet. My phone rings, causing my heart to thud against my chest. I know who's calling me. I can sense it. I answer. "Hello?"

"Hi, honey," His voice makes me fall on my knees in the sand.

"Hi," I say, barely audible.

"I got back from work yesterday and you weren't here. I figured you took EJ and you went to the park. I waited, I did. But then I just grabbed Alice and read her mind. When are you coming home?"

"If you really read Alice's mind, then you would know I'm not coming home," I say in a stern voice.

"Bella, that mongrel is going to get tired of you. He has his own life and Leah."

"Shut up. You don't know anything about them."

"Fine. Stay. But bring me my son."

"He stays with me."

"Bella, don't get into fights you know you're going to lose."

"Well, Edward, don't throw the first punch then."

"You're gonna regret-"

"I already regret everything," I cut him off. There is a stinging moment of silence.

"Nevermind. I'll come get you both. Where are you? At Jacob's? At the beach. Is that the ocean I hear?" He asks, sarcastic.

"Stay away from me," I mumble into the phone.

"I barely touched you."

"Good. You're connecting the dots. Which means you have a brain and you know what you did was wrong. I'm not returning. And you can kiss our asses good bye."

"You sound so tough when you're miles away. Let's see how tough you are when we're face to face again," Edward says. "Which will be soon."

"You son of a bitch."

"Careful, Bella," He says. "Talking about my mother is only going to deepen your grave."


	4. Chapter 5

chapter 5 Risks

I close my phone. I try to enjoy the beach, but I just can't after that phone call. EJ plays in the sand for a while, before I pull him away. We walk back to the apartment and my Mercedes Benz is nowhere in sight. I had to do a double take and see Jacob leaning against a rusty old car I didn't notice at all. It has two doors and the paint job is burgundy, faded and peeling off.

"Your new ride I promised," Jacob says. EJ looks confused. It's an old, run down car. Probably smokes, too. "Have at it." He puts the keys to this pile of junk in my hands. I leave EJ with Jacob and drive into Forks. I don't want to risk getting found with EJ. Edward could use our son as collateral. After the two hour drive, I pull up at the courthouse. Wearing a blue baseball cap, I lower the visor. Paranoid, I guess. I add dark Gucci sunglasses to my look. I walk up the steps, passing people in business suits and skirt suits. I open the heavy doors and enter the chilled atmosphere. I walk up to a clerk and speak clearly without being too loud.

"Hi. My name is Bella Cullen. I'm looking to get a divorce," I say. The clerk, Ms. Abney, curls her thick, dark orange lips. Her eye glasses are thin and amber. Her hair is light brown, curly and pinned up on the top on her head.

"Do both parties agree to this divorce?" She asks.

"Huh?"

"Do you and your husband agree to this divorce," She reiterates only slightly.

"Well, I want a divorce from my husband." Ms. Abney chuckles.

"Sweetheart, does your husband want the divorce as well?" The answer is no. Of course he doesn't. And I didn't ask him. He would respond by putting a crack in my cheekbone.

"No," I say, in a defeated voice.

"Well, what you want to do is get a lawyer," She says. She opens a drawer and slides me some papers across the smooth wooden surface.

"What is this?" I ask, confused.

"It's a list of the best lawyers in this vicinity. It also may ensue some legal advice," She adds. I take the papers. This is going to be harder than I thought. I go sit in the waiting area and look over the thin stack. It's about 30 papers stapled together. A bunch of names and phone numbers, long paragraphs. I walk back up to the clerk.

"Ms. Abney, how do I know what to pick?"

"You do your research, honey," She says, bewildered. "And you pick the lawyer best suited to represent you according to your knowledge and your situation."

I thank her, even though she made my load even heavier. I get in the car and drive to the local library so I can read over everything in peace. Every number I call leads me to a voice mail. I leave a few messages every now and then. I sift through the papers more. One word suddenly pops out at me. Custody. What will happen to EJ in all of this. It would be a dream to be granted full custody of him. If I'm up against Edward Cullen, that doesn't feel likely. I linger on another word. Property. Things I don't have. Nothing is in my name. Not even my Mercedez Benz. It's all his. I don't own anything. All I have are his gifts. Things he gave me out of love and things he felt I should have or I would die.

What will I gain from a divorce? He will just take everything back. And if I do get EJ, which I don't think I will, how will I support my own son? Maybe this isn't the best thing to do. I should crawl back and beg for his forgiveness and promise to never pull another stunt like this ever again. Then, I think what I will gain from that is constant fear and constantly watching what I say and calculating everything I do. When I weigh the odds, risking being homeless and car-less doesn't sound so bad. I have nothing to lose, actually. It's a good thing I have a friend like Jacob, and a father who seems to want me no matter how far he gets pushed away. I walk out of the library and get into the car. I put the papers on the passenger seat. After I nab a lawyer, what will I need, next? A bodyguard?

Something else pops out at me, but more surprising than the first two things. Jasper Hale is on this long list. I circle his name because it's familiar. Jasper Hale is legally a lawyer. I think all the Cullens are legally a lot of things. If I go to him, he will point me in the direction at Edward. He is his brother, after all. I rest my head on the steering wheel. This is such a dead end idea. I feel stuck. I get the car running and I drive uptown to the old mansion. I stare at the mansion and think about all my things inside it, all of EJ's clothes and toys. I stay in the car. My face is well hidden. There's a good chance he left to go hunting. There is also a good chance, he is in there peering down at me from a window room. Of course he can't tell it's me. I'm just some bored, random person checking out a house I'll never live in.

I drive through the narrow lane and stop at the stop sign that's barely visible, being that it's surrounded by weeds. My car door is yanked open and I get pulled out by the collar of my jacket. I hardly react, it happened so fast. It's Edward slinging me around by my hair. He pushes me against the car.

"So, I look out the window and there's this ugly car sitting in front of my house. When I couldn't get a read on, I figured it must be you since you're the only mind in the world that I can't read," Edward says, tightening his hand in the back of my hair.

"Ouch. You're hurting me," I say through the pain.

He reaches inside the car and gets the papers from the seat. "What's all this?" He laughs. He lets go of me and I fall to the asphalt. I curl up in a ball. He doesn't think much of the papers. He throws them to the wind.

"No!" I reach my hands out and try to grab as many as I can. He grabs me and pins me against the car.

"Where is my son?" He asks.

"You know where he is. Why don't you go get him?" I taunt. He knows he can't go on Quileute land without the wolves making a fuss. He let's go of my neck.

"I'll have you arrested and charged with kidnapping, then. If you don't get him back here," He threatens.

"You can't do that. He's my son, too!"

"Watch me," Edward says. He pulls out his cell phone.

"No!" I knock it to the ground. He growls. I don't even see his hand when it flies at my face. I just feel the sting. The blow sends me backwards, knocking me into the car. I bounce off the car and hit the ground, my face next to his cell phone. I try to stay awake, but fail and drift into unconsciousness. It's not night time, but I see stars dancing everywhere.


	5. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Square One

I wake up in my familiar bedroom. The ivory silk bed sheets pulled up over my shoulders. My head is throbbing. I sit up and look around the blurry room of ivory painted walls. On the nightstand next to the white shaded lamp is a blue bag with water dripping from it and leaking onto the carpet. It's melting ice. My eyes fly around the room and stop on Edward sitting in a chair next to the door. I grab the ice bag and press it to my forehead. I stare at Edward's expression. His face is hard and his jaw is tight.

"Don't give me that look," I murmur.

"What look?" He asks immediately.

"That look like it's my own fault," I say. He doesn't say anything. I move the sheets back and put one foot on the floor. My clothes are different. I'm in a silvery night gown. I realize he is guarding the door from me. "I thought you wanted me to go get EJ. I can't do that if I'm stuck here."

"Jacob will take care of him," Edward says, softening his poise.

"He can't stay there forever," I say, moving over to the closet. I use my free hand to open it. There's nothing inside it. The brown walls are empty and hangers bare. "Where are all my clothes?" I look at him, fuming.

"At the dry cleaners," He responds.

"My jeans, too?"

"Everything."

"Edward, this game is getting ridiculous."

"What game?" He chuckles.

I search under the bed. "Well, at least you left me my house shoes," I grumble. I slip the light green slippers on my feet and bump into Edward's knee on my way towards the door. I open it and step out into the hall. The sunlight is coming in through the huge, French windows as I walk down the hall to my other room. I check the closet in that room and it's empty just like the other one. Getting irritated, I check the spare closet. Again, nothing. Then, I go in EJ's nursery. Everything is how I left it. I step back into the hall and bump into Edward's sparkly chest. "How can you do this to me?" I ask."This is really immature."

"I wouldn't have to go to such measures if you weren't so over-dramatic about a few scrapes and scratches. Sit down and enjoy your house."

"It's your house," I retort.

"It's our house."

"It's your house and you're just sharing it with me."

"If that's how you feel, I'd kick you out, but then you'd just go running back to LaPush and Jacob."

"Why do you have a problem with that?"

"I might not ever see you again."

"You don't love me anymore, so why do you even care?"

"I do love you."

"You don't act like it." I turn my back to him.

"I'm going hunting. Watch TV or something."

Of course I'm not dumb enough to think he would leave me in the house all by myself with any keys. He locked all the doors, locking me inside. I'm back where I started, but without EJ. I'm a prisoner. I want to check on Jacob and EJ. So, I go in the kitchen to use the house phone. The line is dead. He unplugged it like an asshole. I plug up the phone and dial Jacob. I tell him how I ended up back in the house and that I was knocked out.

"Jake, bring EJ home. It's just not going to happen."

"What? You're giving up?" He sounds surprised.

"I don't know what else to do," I say. "Just bring EJ home. I don't have any clothes right now and I can't drive out there."

"That bastard."

I hang up the phone. The doorbell rings and I go look through the white translucent curtains. Alice Cullen smiles and waves through the fabric like she has not a care in the world. I shrug my shoulders. She gives me a confused look.

"I'm locked in!" I shout at her on the other side of the glass window. "What do you want?"

She huffs. Then, she dangles a ring of keys in front of my face. Appalled, I demand she let me out. Alice lets herself in the house, then she locks the door back. "He gave you a key?"

"He asked me to watch you," She says.

"Watch me do what, watch TV? There's nothing here to do, but wait."

"Bella, don't be so dramatic," She says, waltzing over to the living room.

"Did he tell you that he hid my clothes?"

She laughs. "They're at the cleaners. Relax. You'll get them back."

"So, you're on his side now?"

Alice frowns. "I don't take sides."

"You're not helping the situation either, are you."

Alice stands up and pulls me by my hand. I follow her upstairs against my will. "I'll paint your toes. That'll cheer you up."

"Alice, you're as crazy as your brother. And I don't mean that in a good way."


	6. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Suspicion

Alice lets go of my hand and heads into the bathroom. I stand in the doorway while she goes through the medicine cabinet, getting nail polish remover and some cotton balls from under the sink. She starts humming. I fold my arms and wait, not the happiest camper.

"What color do you want?" She asks, holding a bag of cotton balls and remover in one hand and holding three polishes in the other. I don't look at them or her.

"The green one," I mutter.

"I'll use the hot pink for myself," She smiles and puts the baby blue polish back on the shelf in the cabinet. We go into the den where there is a flat screen TV and stereo system. There also is a pool table and a fluffy blue couch. I hop on the couch and pull a pillow onto my lap. Alice sits and starts to paint my nails. "Bella, don't worry," Alice says, after taking in my sad face. "It's just a phase. It'll blow over and you'll both be happy again." I stare at her.

"Do you know that for a fact. Did you actually see that, or are you just trying to cheer me up?" I ask. She hesitates."I knew it. You're just trying to cheer me up."

"Bella, come on. Be optimistic," She says.

"I can't, when my face hurts."

After finishing one hand, she gets started on the other. I remember when Rene use to sit me down and do my nails for me as a child. She would paint each nail a different color, making my hand look like a rainbow. She said she could see the love in his eyes when she would look at Edward, at our wedding ceremony. Where did that love go.

"I don't think it's a good idea to ask Jasper to be your lawyer, Bella."

I buck my eyes. This is sudden. Then, I relax. "You had a vision?"

"I'm always having visions."

"Why is that not good? He can support me. He knows what's going on. Heck, you all do."

"Pinning Jasper against his own brother, Bella? You don't know what that will do to him."

I give her an disbelieving look. "I'm just trying to protect his emotions."

"What about my emotions?" I ask. " I know he's your mate, but he's a big boy... What else did you see?" I ask, curious. Alice hesitates.

"Nothing," She sighs.

"I don't believe you."

"Then, don't believe me. You don't have to." After she coats my last finger, my pinky, with green polish, I immediately get off the couch. "Don't touch anything!"

"I won't!" I say. Then, I blow over my nails to help them dry faster. Alice tops the green polish and then twists open the pink one. I watch her remove her classic french manicure with the polish remover. She starts painting her nails with the pink polish, afterwards. I go into the kitchen to get a snack. I am extra careful as I open cabinets and look inside the refrigerator. After my nails have dried, I can be less careful. I open up a can of vegetable soup and heat it up in the microwave. The phone rings. I turn around and Alice appears. She answers it.

"Hello?.. Oh hi Esme. Um no, He's not here." She puts her hand on the receiver. "She wants to know when are you going to bring EJ over. She wants to see her grandson."

I shrug. "I'll have to call her when I can decide on a date."

"She said she'll let you know," Alice says into the phone. "Okay, bye." She hangs up. "She said don't take too long."

I eat the soup. I don't even care that it's so hot, it actually burns my lips and my tongue._ What have I done wrong?_ I think to myself. There must be something I haven't been doing right. I feel so blind. Alice and I watch Shark Week on animal planet. Sitting next to her on the sofa in the living room, I try to figure out a way to get out of here, while she's fascinated by the creatures of the deep.

"I can't comprehend something that huge is vegetarian," Alice says, staring at the tv in wonder.

"Vegetarian?" I ask.

"You know what I mean," She says. "They have better restraint than us."

"Humans aren't their natural diet like most people think," I say. "But, blood does drive them into a frenzy. So I guess that makes them similar to you guys, in a way. When you think about all the shark attacks that pop up in the news at times, it's blood that makes them crazy, not the human in the water. Wearing flippers and dark wet suits, people can resemble seals."

I go and look out the window. It's twilight and he's not back yet. That doesn't seem to bother Alice. She goes into the kitchen and makes me a bowl of popcorn. I shut the curtains. I've been looking out for a while now.

"Thanks," I say, grabbing the bowl from her. She puts the TV on a movie and after some time, I fall asleep beside her. I had barely touched the popcorn. The door opening carefully, is what wakes me up. Some of the popcorn spills on the floor.

"Edward," Alice says. I look over and he greets us both with a smile.

"How's my girl?" He asks.

"She's great. Right, Bella?" Alice asks.

"Yeah, I'm great," I mutter. Alice gets up and walks over to him. She ducks her head a little, but doesn't take her eyes off of him. He seems to understand this.

"Thanks, Alice," Edward says.

"Anytime," She says, and she let's herself out. I look at him, standing there in a white shirt with buttons, and black trousers and black shoes.

"Took you long enough," I grouch.

"Bella, don't start this," He says.

"Where have you been, besides hunting I mean?"

He chuckles at me. "I'm tired." He walks passed the couch and runs upstairs. I go in the kitchen and clean out the popcorn bowl, then I vacuum the carpet in the living room getting up the spilled popcorn. Back in the kitchen, I start washing dishes that aren't even dirty just out of sheer angst. Edward appears behind me. He puts his arms around my waist and hugs me close to his body. He kisses the side of my neck and under my cheek. "I'm sorry," He whispers. Without responding I continue what I was doing.

An apology doesn't make me feel better like it used to. I am still angry, but I want to forgive him, but I know I can't for the sake of myself and my sanity.

"I'm going to bed." After all the dishes are practically sparkling, I run upstairs. I pass our bedroom and then I take a few steps back and watch him unbutton his shirt. I know he knows I'm looking, but he doesn't mind of course. But one thing is starting to bother me. His shirt is clean. Why is that, if he just got through hunting. There should be at least some specks of blood on it. He is never that clean. I step into the bedroom, a fake flirtatious grin on my face. I catch his shirt before it falls to the floor. He takes off the trousers next. I want those, too. Edward kisses me, sucking on my bottom lip until I pull away to speak. "Let me take these to the laundry room," I offer.

"Thanks, honey," He flashes a grateful, but routine smile.

I ball his clothes up in my hands and head downstairs. I flick on the light in the laundry room. My paranoia has me checking every thread on the shirt. I can't believe how clean it is. I shake my head at myself. I'm being silly. I open the washing machine and toss in the shirt. Then, I get the pants. I look at something red on my hands. I think it's blood, until I smell it. It's actually lipstick. I don't ever wear lipstick. I will sport some gloss for special occasions and that's as far as it goes for me. I examine where I found the lipstick; on the belt loop and beside the zipper, it's smudged there. I tighten my lips to keep my screams on the inside. Where did this come from? I toss the pants in the washer and close the lid.

I walk, slowly, taking my sweet time, back to the bedroom. He's sitting on the bed. I crawl in next to him and get under the covers, covering my face.

"Aren't you going to take a shower?" He asks.

"Why? I have nothing to wear when I get out," I respond.

He sighs. "I'll pick your clothes up, in the morning," He says.

"Thanks," I mutter from under the sheets.


	7. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Midnight Hour

If I tell him I found lipstick on his pants, what will he say? Will he deny it? Will he make some sort of confession? I have the evidence. I am curious about which road he will take, but the fear suddenly bubbles up inside of me. I don't want to get hit for asking a simple question. I don't know if that will happen. It's a possibility. I don't know how far he will take his need to be the powerful one. I sleep uneasily. When I wake up, he is out of bed before I am. I get up and something tells me to look into the closet. I push the doors open and my clothes are back. Happy about this, I take a long shower and then I get dressed.

I walk downstairs and Edward is cooking, dressed in a light blue shirt that's tucked in some classy twill trousers.

"Jacob called. He said he'll bring EJ back this afternoon," He says.

I muster up a smile. I haven't forgotten about the lipstick. It's burned in the back of my mind, just waiting for a chance to come to the front and center. Any opportunity seems to be good as any other, but I feel like I need to pick one that reduces the chances for violence. I sit down at the table. Edward comes over and slides pancakes onto a plate in front of me. I pick up the fork and I hesitate about eating. Edward sits down in the chair adjacent to me, about to watch me eat. I just decide to blurt it out.

"Edward, are you cheating on me?" I ask, holding the fork tightly, now. His face loosens, and his eyes stare at me like I'm stupid. "I found.. lipstick on your clothes," My voice cracks.

"Are you sure?" He asks, patronizingly.

"Of course I'm sure. I can show you if you'd like," I say.

"Just eat your pancakes, Bella," He says.

"No." I stand up. Then he stands up. I find myself moving backwards. "I bet this isn't the first time." I move into the living room. And, I bump into the lamp, trying to put as much space between us as possible.

"Why do you want to ruin a perfectly good morning?" He asks.

I back into the coffee table. He puts his arms around my neck and forces me down on the couch. My breath won't come out. He's choking me. Okay, this is it. I'm going to die, now. He presses his thumb down on the center of my neck. I kick and try to pry his hands away, but I just can't. He finally let's go when I start changing color. I bounce onto the floor and try to catch my breath. "See what you made me do?" He yells. I look up at him. I'm exhausted. He looks like he's about to start crying. "Bella, you make me crazy."

"You are not crazy," I say. "You just think you're invincible."

Expecting a punch to the face, I squabble to the chair, not thinking he would lift his foot up and step on me. Which he does. I cradle my stomach and my sides. He walks away from me, after taking a few deep human breaths.

"Do you still want your pancakes?" He asks.

I look over and he's standing over my breakfast. I shake my head no. He takes the plate and slides the food into the garbage disposal with a frown on his face. I feel my stomach with my fingertips. Although, painful, nothing seems broken. I sit up as straight as I can on the sofa and turn on the TV.

So, he thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants. Well, I can't stop him. Every time, I try I get beat up. Edward walks over to me and he takes a seat on the love seat.

"Bella, I don't feel good. Why don't you go spend some time at my parents'" He suggests.

"You're letting me leave?" I ask, sarcastically. He gives me an icy glare in response.

"Here, take one of my cars. I don't want them thinking I'm letting my wife drive around town in a piece of crap car," He says. "Where is the Mercedes anyway?" He asks.

"Um. I was in a car accident. It had to be towed," I lie. He pulls a set of keys from his pocket. I stare at them.

"Go on," He says. I grab the keys and hop up and head for the door. I look back at him. He nods at me. I hope this isn't a trick. I go out to the garage and take my pick of the shiny cars. I choose his Volvo. That's his favorite one. Maybe, I'll get into a real accident on my way back. I get inside it and put the Volvo in reverse. The fugly car that Jake lent me is still sitting in front of the house, looking like it's about to finally collapse. When I'm out of the neighborhood, I relax and calm down a bit. The more miles between us the better.

Instead of taking the highway for the Cullen's, I take a detour and head down to LaPush. When I pass the welcome sign, a few wolves surround the Volvo and Sam Uley is standing in front of the car. I get out.

"Oh," Sam says. "Bella, we thought you were Edward."

The wolves back off. A couple of them take off into the woods. "You here to get EJ?" Sam asks.

"Um," I think. Actually, I planned in my head on hanging out here for a while. But, I nod. One of the wolves lowers its head for me to touch it. I run my hand through the thick fur. "This is Seth, right?"

"You know your wolves," Sam grins.

"I sure do," I smile. I follow Sam onto the rez.

"Emily's making everyone breakfast. I bet you've already eaten," Sam says.

"Um. Actually, no. I'm good and hungry," I reply.

Sam smiles. We walk to Emily's and go in the house. There are two tables. A small table with half the wolf boys sitting around it and a plastic kiddie table. EJ and a couple of other toddlers have it occupied.

"Mama!" Ej jumps up and comes over to me. I bend down to pick him up. He tries to kiss me. He's got syrup all over his mouth. I avoid the bottom half of his face, and plant a kiss on his forehead. "I'm I going home, now?"

"Don't you wanna stay and play with your friends some more?" I ask.

"Yeah," He decides quickly. I put him down and go in the kitchen where Emily is. She flashes me a sunny smile.

"I hope you're as hungry as everyone else was," She says, shaking her head at the mess in the kitchen. She fixes me a plate of waffles, sausages, eggs, and shredded potatoes with cheese. I help myself to a tall glass of orange juice. Instead of trying to squeeze in at the table with the boys, I stand in the kitchen and eat by the counter.

Sam hugs Emily's waist. Embry, Jared, Paul, and Collin, and Brady are staring at me while they're chewing with their cheeks full of food. Seth comes through the door and Emily gives him a plate.

"Thanks for breakfast Emily," Seth says.

"Yeah, thanks," the rest of them say with their mouths full.

"You punks would die without me," Emily smiles.

I eat quickly. I am the first to finish. I was starving. Afterwards, I wash EJ's face in the bathroom. The two other small kids followed us and so I wash them up, as well. Getting the sticky syrup off their hands and cleaning their faces with a wash cloth. After that, the three of them run away from me.

"Where's Jacob?" I ask when I get back to the front. "He had to go do something for Leah," Paul responds.

"They went to a college interview or something," Jared says.

"Oh, that sounds nice," I say.

"Leah wants to go to Washington State University. She's been talking about it for a while now," Emily says.

"She wants Jake to go with her," Seth grins.

"Oooh. Ow! Ow! Owww!" the wolf boys make noises at that idea.

"They must be in looove," Seth playfully falls over Emily and bats his eyelashes. She laughs.

"I don't know about that, but they seem to be in the first stage of real love," Emily says.

"Good for them both," Sam says as he pulls Emily into his arms.

"Maybe, he's just being a good friend," I say.

"Bella, are you on crack?" Jared asks me.

"No," I respond, seriously. "I think it's a good thing." I want to take the attention off of me, but most of them seem to have forgotten about me on their own. Except Paul. I catch him staring at me, but he doesn't look away. I want to touch my face, but I resist the urge. Are the bruises still there? What could he be looking at? "Come on, EJ." I say goodbye to everyone and I avoid Paul's eyes as we exit.

"Where are we going since we're not going home?" EJ asks, his two friends right behind him.

"To the beach," I say as I lead the way with three toddlers following me, listening to them talk about worms. I hear someone jogging behind us. I turn around and it's Paul. I sigh and he catches up to me. "Hi, Paul," I mutter.

"Hi," He says, staring at the side of my face as I won't turn to look at him. "What's that on your face?" He finally asks.

"It's just a little bruise. I slipped and banged into the staircase at home," I say. Jacob is the only one that knows what's really going on and I did ask him not to tell the others. I feel like it's not their business. Paul narrows his eyes at the bruise that must be more visible than I thought. I can't tell if he believes my story or not. "Could you please not stare?" I ask.

"Oh," He snaps out of it. "I'm sorry. You should put something on that. Help it heal faster."

"I'll be fine. but thanks."

"I had a bruise like that once," He starts talking, nonchalant. "My father use to beat the crap out of me. So, I know a sucker punch when I see it."

"I don't know what you're getting at, but don't," I snap. He looks confused, and I realize I jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Sorry.."

"Gee, you're grouchy. Maybe later?" He says, about to walk away.

"Paul, I'm sorry. Don't leave," I beg. I look around for the children, and they're playing at the edge of the water. "I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, huh?"

"I'll say," He agrees, flatly.

"So, what were you saying?" I ask.

"Oh, I was just talking about my dad. He moved to California. Couldn't accept I'm in the wolf pack. He was jealous."

"That's so sad," I say.

"He also didn't like that I had become stronger than him. Too much pride or whatever," Paul says. "There was no more baby Paul to beat up on, and so he left town."

My lips tremble. I feel my eyes getting big. "Are you crying?" Paul asks in disbelief. I haven't felt any tear roll down my face, so it must be my expression that's making him say that.

"What? No!" I check my face with my hands. I'm not crying. I just look emotional, probably. "EJ!" I look back at my son, and try to change the subject. "Don't get too close. You know you can't swim!"

"I can too swim!" He shouts back, offended.

"No, he can't," I say to Paul.

"How about we go put some ice on that. Looking at it is bringing up bad memories," Paul shutters, jokingly. Paul leads us to his house. The children run and play in the front of the house, racing around a big tree. I lean on the counter in the kitchen as Paul pulls a slab of frozen meat from the freezer.

"You want me to put that to my head?" I ask.

"It's just meat. It's harmless. I'll cook it later, just to prove it to you," He says.

"Okay. But I'm not use to sticking frozen meats on my face."

"You'll be fine," He rolls his eyes. "So, how did you really get this lump on your face?" He asks, his eyebrow almost raising. "I don't really believe that you ran into a staircase- just so you know." I think about that for a moment. I can't even remember my own lie. Running into staircases? I have become one of the very things I thought I was immunized from becoming. I don't answer Paul, but my reluctance makes him more curious. "So, how's your vampire?" He asks. I don't know if he's trying to link Edward to my busted cheekbone, or if he is just genuinely curious about him.

"He's fine. They're all fine," I roll my eyes without thinking.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "It sounds like they're annoying you."

"They're allowed that once in a while. They are my family, after all."

"Okay." Paul presses the cold meat, wrapped in plastic, against my face.

"Is this going to make my face smell like meat?" I ask, seriously. Paul laughs.

"No. The smell isn't that strong."

I put my hand up to the meat, expecting him to drop his hand. But that doesn't happen. Instead, his eyes become fixated on mine, and we stare at each other. We are close enough. I lean forward just a bit and kiss him on his lips. His lips are seriously hot. I let go quickly, surprised by the sensation. I open my eyes, and Paul is staring at me, stunned.

"I'm sorry!" I say.

He doesn't answer my apology. Instead, he kisses me, passionately. I was feeling deprived of this lately. But it wasn't the same. It was.. better. Paul wraps his arms under my thighs, and hoists me up onto the counter top. My head bangs into the pantry door behind me, but I don't feel it. I'm too enthralled with Paul at the moment. As he is kissing me, moving his kisses up and down my neck and across my collarbone, flashbacks from last night come into my head. The red lipstick on my fingers. Edward's clothes. I start to fight against Paul. He pulls his face away from mine.

"What? What's wrong," He asks, very eager to kiss again.

"Paul, I'm married. This is stupid. I'm sorry."

He looks at me in disbelief, then he says. "Yeah. You're right." I wish I was wrong.

"I gotta go," I hop off the counter, but I don't want to leave. A part of me feels like I deserve this. I deserve some affection without pain.

"You want to keep this?" Paul asks, holding up the slab of frozen meat.

"No. You cook it," I respond, wearily.

"You don't have to leave, if you want to stay here," Paul says. I look at him. Am I that transparent? Are my thoughts appearing on my forehead like a movie? "You look unsure," He adds on. I head for the door without saying anything. Paul follows me and opens the door for me. "Are you heading home?" He asks. Then, I recall why I came down to LaPush in the first place.

"No. Not yet," I reply, bowing my head.

"Jacob's got EJ a set up at Billy's. He's staying in his old room," Paul informs me.

"Well, that was nice of him," I say. If I stay, which I plan on, I will have to stay at Billy's with EJ. I know Billy. He will definitely think it's strange of me to be at his house when I have a mansion somewhere else. I don't even know what lie to tell him. He isn't easy to fool. I think this was Leah's idea. Jacob would be fine with me and EJ staying at his apartment. "Maybe, I'll come by later on, tonight," I just let the words slip out. A ping of hope splashes across Paul's face. I shouldn't have said that, but I couldn't help it. I slide out the door. "EJ, come on, let's go!"

"But I'm busy!" EJ says. I notice there is one child less on the yard than before.

"Where's your other little friend?" I ask.

"Miguel went home," EJ says.

Later, EJ and I are standing on Billy's front porch. It's almost 8:00 pm. After leaving Paul's house, we spent the rest of the day at First Beach, so he could play and so I could think. His bedtime was an hour ago. I never get EJ to bed on time. Billy opens the door. Sitting in his wheelchair, he is more level with EJ than me.

"Hi, Bella. I was expecting you," Billy says and smiles, bends his head down. "Hi, EJ."

"Hi, Billy," EJ says.

He gives us room and let's us come in without asking questions. Maybe, the questions will come later. After I put EJ to bed, I stand in Billy's kitchen. He wheels himself around and stops at the edge of the counter. His face is creased. He is suspicious of me. I don't have a lie ready.

"So, why are you here?" He just comes out and asks it. No buttering me up, no sugarcoating.

"I needed to get away," I reply, nonchalantly.

"From what?" He asks.

"Just things. Life. It's not a big deal."

"Who said it was a big deal?" Billy asks, retorical.

I sigh. "Nobody. I'm going to get to bed," I say. I leave the kitchen and walk into Jacob's old room. EJ is wrapped in blankets on Jake's old bed. The room still smells like Jake. I take in a deep breath of air, remembering good things that I miss about Jake and I. The memories flood, and make me feel happier.

I go and stand near the window. Looking out into the night, I see the moon. It's midnight now. I should stay right here. I'll let the memory keep me satisfied. Is Paul waiting, expecting me? What if he is? I kiss my sleeping boy and go to the door. I hesitate with my hand around the doorknob. Then, I let go. I hear water running from somewhere. That means Billy is still up. I continue to listen. After the water stops running, I can hear Billy 's wheelchair, and then I hear a door close.

I go through the laundry bag. Jacob must have dropped it off here. It's just regular clothes and some essentials. Nothing special. Why would I need to wear something special to Paul's place anyway? I shake my head at myself.

"This is stupid," I say out loud. EJ moves around under the covers, startling me. I exhale. He's still asleep. I take a shower and change my outfit. I'm still in jeans and a random t shirt. Not that he would care about what I'm wearing. I clearly know what I'm doing, but I'm not stopping myself is the problem. I am so relieved that Alice's special talent can't see anything concerning me when I'm near a werewolf. This gives me an idea.

Feeling like a girl with a crush sneaking out to see a boy she likes, I open the window in the bedroom and climb out. I run- walk to Paul's house. I don't want him to see me out of breath. I didn't drive because I don't want anyone seeing the shiny Volvo in front of Paul's house in the middle of the night. I can imagine the kind of gossip that would trigger.

When I reach the house, I stand behind the tree in the front yard. Feeling fearful, anxious, and a little bit giddy, I take small steps towards the house, waiting for any chance to stop, turn around, and bolt back to Billy's house. I knock on the door and wait. I look around.

He opens the door. His eyes look sleepy, but he seems happy to see me.

"Come in," He says. He moves behind the door and I walk inside.

"Did I wake you?" I ask, trying to liven up my voice.

"Yeah, you did," He says, with a grin. He steps to me and bends his head down. He puts his hands around my waist. My hands are near my chest and he kisses me. I just can't stop thinking that if Edward finds out, he will literally kill me, even though it's unlikely that he will ever discover what I'm doing. Thinking about Edward, I start to feel uncomfortable. "Do you want some water, or something to eat?" Paul asks.

"No," I reply. He turns me around and we head into his bedroom. I laugh when I see it.

"It looks like a college dorm room." It's a small room with one twin bed pushed up against the wall. Ripped shirts and jeans are hanging out of the closet. Junk food is on the computer desk. A mini TV is set high on the tall dresser. "At least I can see the floor," I say, when I turn back and look at him. He puts his hands behind his head and yawns. "I should let you get some sleep," I say.

"You just got here," He blocks me.

"Yeah, that was an excuse," I say.

"To leave?"

"I'm married, remember?" I say.

"Then, why'd you come over? Did you think we were going to watch TV or something?"

"Doesn't it mean anything to you that I'm married? I'm off the menu."

"Does it mean anything to you? You came to me." He throws the question back at me. "Something is obviously amiss if you're here with me, but I don't want you to go. But I won't keep you here, either."

"Of course you won't," I respond.

"What did he do?" Paul asks. I hate unexpected questions. I frown and try to come up with something, but I take too long.

"He's just being an idiot," I say, finally. Paul looks at me like he knows there's something I'm leaving out. I crawl onto his bed. He moves the covers back and I stick my legs under the sheets. Then, he gets in next to me. My back is almost touching the wall. He kisses me, vigorously. I stop to pull my jeans off. and Paul kicks them to the end of the bed. We kiss some more, and he positions my legs around his waist. Then, he rolls over, ending up on top of me. I, then, want to say something and try to stop this. After he starts thrusting, I don't feel like saying anything. I bunch the sheets next to me in my fists. He thrusts harder into me, and bends his head down to kiss me, curving his back. After it's over, I roll and face the wall. I don't feel the shame and the guilt that I thought I would feel. I just hear our panting. I turn over and he's on his back.

His chest is moving up and down and he's trying to slow down his fast beating heart. He turns on his side towards me and I fall asleep looking at his face. Birds chirping outside wake me up. I sit up fast. Paul is still asleep. One of his legs is hanging off the bed. I crawl underneath the covers to look for my jeans and my other clothes that came off.

After I get dressed, I carefully crawl over him. I let myself out through the front door and run to Billy's house. I don't want EJ to wake up and I'm not there. I walk up the front porch, forgetting that last night, I jumped out the window in Jake's room. I turn around and go back to that window. It's around 5 am. I climb into the room. EJ is not up. I take a short shower and watch TV in Jake's room until everyone is up. I put on a night gown. When I hear Billy outside the door, I step out and yawn dramatically.

"Good morning, Billy," I greet.

"Good morning, Bella," He says, giving me a weird look.

"What?"

"Nothing," He says. He rolls passed me in his wheelchair. For breakfast, Billy cooks and the three of us have scrambled eggs, bacon, and jelly toast. I don't want breakfast at Billy's to become a habit. I need a place I can go to where I won't have to disturb or bother anyone. Maybe, I can get my own secret house somewhere. The funds will have to come from Edward. No. Alice will ruin that idea.

After getting EJ ready, we visit the local gift shop. It's not really a gift shop. It's just a store that carries artwork from the LaPush residents. The artwork is displayed and a price is estimated. Anyone can buy it, and anyone can buy back their art. It includes all kinds of jewelry, dolls, shoes, paintings, drawings, clay pots, woven baskets, hair accessories and more. Anything is accepted as long as it's handmade.

"Mama, what's that?" EJ asks, sticking his nose against the glass case.

"That's a clay wolf. It just has two heads," I say.

"It looks like a dragon," EJ says.

I smile at the man behind the counter. He is six feet tall, long black ponytails are cascading down his vest, and a feathery headband around his head. My cell phone rings and I dig into my purse.

"Hello?"

"Bella, where are you?" Alice asks, without saying hi. "I can't even see you."

"Well, that should tell you where I am."

"Edward thinks your with Esme and Carlisle. He wants to know why Jacob hasn't brought EJ home like he said he would."

"Something came up and Jake had to go do something for Leah," I say. "Tell him I'm bringing EJ home, instead."

"Yes. Good one," Alice exclaims.

"That's actually the truth, believe it or not."

"Well, hurry up and get back. Edward sounded agitated on the phone."

I hang up. We're not leaving just yet. But I will have to visit Esme and Carlisle, so I can say I was there. Just in case, he calls them and asks about me. Which he probably will, if he hasn't already. I'm probably dead. I buy a stitched bracelet with lime green turtles on it. I put it on EJ's wrist. I also buy us some chocolate bars. Admiring his bracelet, he almost bangs into the door. But, I don't want to leave without speaking to Paul. He's going to think I just ran out on him on purpose. But I feel like I'm running out of time. There's really no rush. I have to go to Esme's just so I can say I was there. I don't have to go straight there. I went to get EJ, and we stopped for gas on the way home. That is all I did. I don't know how to explain the whole overnight thing. Hopefully, that won't even be a topic.

How paranoid am I. I stick EJ in the backseat of the Volvo, where there is no car seat. He curls up on the floor.

"Where are we going?" He asks, poking his head between the front seats. His lips are covered in melted chocolate.

"Mama needs to talk to our friend Paul before we go. Then, we're going to go see Esme," I say in a fake excited voice. EJ just looks bored. He doesn't care too much for his grandparents. They have literally spoiled him too death, and now there's nothing for him to get excited about. I drive up in front of Paul's house. It just hits me that he might be out somewhere. I'm already worried about Edward calling Esme and Carlisle to verify my presence.

I look around in the glove compartment for some paper. I write a note.

_Paul, Last night was so great. You really made me feel better. Thanks- Bella. _

The drive to the Cullen's house took all morning. By the time we arrived, it's two in the afternoon. Well, we did drive there straight from LaPush without stopping. Thankfully, I didn't get pulled over for speeding and not having my toddler in a car seat. We get out.

"Mama, that was fun!" EJ exclaims.

"I'm glad you had fun. Now, don't tell anybody." Esme comes outside, a plate of baked peanut butter cookies in her hands.

"How are my kids?" She asks, her smile growing. "Oh, look at your face! Is that chocolate? Let's get you cleaned up." Esme takes EJ's hand and we go into the house. The windows are big, and wide open. I sit at the table and eat a few cookies.

"Where's Carlisle?" I ask, when Esme returns, from upstairs, without EJ.

"He's at work in the clinic," She says, going through her purse. She stops and looks at me. "Honey, what happened to your face?" She sounds bored.

"Just guess." She shakes her head. "Honey, there's only one solution to all of this. You have to fight back. I will turn you myself," She says.

"No. That is not an option. I will not leave EJ. I will not be a vampire while my child is all human," I bark.

"Well I don't know what else to tell you," She says.

"Has he called?" I ask, my voice turning meek.

"He has called twice. Once last night, and then just this morning he called. I told him to give you time, that you could be stuck in traffic or something."

I laugh. "What traffic? There's not enough people in this whole district to create traffic." Esme's gold eyes sink into me, and she isn't laughing. I eat another cookie.

"I don't know what's gotten into him. This isn't Edward. This isn't my son. I just want you to know that I do not condone any of it."

"Well, that is just really comforting. Yeah, that makes all my bruises and sores go away," I say, being sarcastic. Esme glares at me.

"You know a way out, but you won't take it," She says. "That's no one's fault but you're own. Have you weighed the consequences? There aren't as many if you become vampire," She says.

"EJ doesn't even know what vampires are. He doesn't even know that half of his family members are vampires. I want it to stay that way. I'm staying human for him. He will have no one if I turn."

"That's not true," She says. "Everyone of us will always be there for him, whether he knows about vampires or not, just like we are now. You just do what you need to do." I notice our voices have gone all secretive. Esme's phone rings and she answers it. "Edward. Hi," She says, faking a cheery voice. "Yes, she's here. You want to talk to her?" I shake my head no. "She's in the bathroom right now. Okay, well I have to go. Bye." She hangs up. "This is so ridiculous. You two need to figure this out."

"All he has to do is stop, and it'll be over," I grumble. Esme doesn't respond. She seems to be thinking really hard. "I'm not going to be changed." I get up and walk up the spiral, marble staircase. In the playroom, EJ is sitting, surrounded by all the toys. He looks somber. "You okay, kiddo?" I ask.

"I want to see daddy. Can we go home?" He asks.

"But you have way more toys here than you do at home," I say. He doesn't respond immediately. And I know he doesn't care about that. "I like my bracelet," He says, showing it to me. "Thank you for getting it for me."

"Well, you're very welcome. Come on. Let's go," I take him by the hand. When we get back to the dining room, Esme stands up.

"You don't have to leave right now," She complains.

"EJ wants to go home," I say in a flat tone. She just wants EJ to stay. If she can't help me without killing me, then why should I let her see him. We get back in the Volvo and drive home.


	8. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 Date Night

While I'm driving back home, the sky darkens. EJ is sitting on the floor, his upper body draped over the backseat, sleep. My heart starts racing as I enter our neighborhood. It's hard not to be fearful, thinking about what I am going home to. I pull up in the garage. I take EJ from the backseat and carry him to the side door of the house. I let myself in with a house key. It's quiet. The only sound right now is me shutting the door and twisting the key in the hole to lock it. Some of EJ's slobber touches my neck as I am carrying the sleeping boy up the stairs. I go straight to his room and lay him down in his own bed. Then, I peek into my bedroom.

"Edward?" I call softly, wishing he couldn't answer. He doesn't. "Edward?" I say, again, this time pushing the door open to look inside. He's not here.

"I'm down here," A voice calls at the bottom of the stairs. I sigh, and go look. I stop and look at how he's dressed. He's suited up like a handsome prince.

"What's the occasion?" I ask. He just twists up the side of his mouth in a half smile. I walk down the stairs until I am standing on the last stair and I am right before him. His nose twitches, and he sniffs the air twice. Then, he leans forward and sniffs my shoulder.

"You smell like dog," He says in a bored voice. I am frozen immediately. Paul is the next thing I think of, and our night of passionate sex. Good thing he can't read my thoughts. "More than usual." He says this, walking passed me up the stairs. I grimace. "Oh. And Jake called."

I run into the kitchen and get the phone off the hook. I call Jake, anxious to speak to him. He picks up almost instantly.

"Jake," I say, my voice excited.

"Hey, Bella," He says. "Sorry about dumping EJ on my dad. We had a scheduled appointment that totally slipped my mind."

"We. As in you and Leah?"

"That's right," He says.

"I don't know what to say. Well, first off how did it go? Who did you talk to?"

"Just a counselor from Washington State University. She just looked at our school records and test scores."

"Did you both get in?"

"I don't know, yet."

"Jake, I'm so happy for you. And proud."

"Thanks. You know, you can join us if you want. Miss Smarty pants."

"Oh.. I can't do that. With EJ and everything. And besides, I don't think Leah would like me throwing myself into the mix."

"Leah knows we're just friends."

"Yes, but college will be you guys' thing. That's clearly how she wants it." The sound of the door bell buzzing interrupts our conversation. "Jake, hold on. I gotta get the door." I answer the front door. Jasper and Alice glide into the house. "Jake. I'll call you back."

"Alright. Talk to you soon," His voice fades. I put the phone on the hook in the kitchen.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask. I playfully nudge Jasper in the shoulder.

"We're here to babysit, of course," Alice squeaks.

"I don't need a babysitter. EJ is sleep," I tell her.

"Alice talks too much," Jasper says, going to sit on the couch. He turns on the tv.

"Oh, I forgot." Alice says.

"Forgot what?" I ask.

"Great. You guys are here," Edward says from the top of the stairs. "We're almost ready. Bella?" He asks, then he disappears. I go up the stairs. I've lost him, but I think he went into the bedroom. So, that's where I go. A long red fabric stops me in my tracks. It's laying across the foot of the bed, a hanger inside it.

"Edward, I have millions of dresses already," I complain. I see him through the crack in the bathroom door. He is fixing his collar and looking in the mirror.

"Just put it on. We're going out, tonight," He commands. He comes out of the bathroom and pecks my cheek with a kiss.

"But, I'm still very angry at you," I say.

"Well, you were suppose to cool down at Esme's. I've cooled down," He says.

"I doubt that," I blurt.

"Don't make this difficult," He says.

"Why are you taking me out?" I ask.

"Because I love you," He says. Then, he puts a kiss right on my forehead. "Go on. Get dressed." He walks out of the room, going in the direction to EJ's room. Probably to kiss him goodnight. I stare at the dress. The color is reminding me of that infamous red lipstick I found on his clothes just a day ago. I want to rip this dress to shreds. Who is it? Is it Irina Denali? No, it can't be. But, it could. Reluctantly, I change into the dress. I go into the bathroom to look at my face. My cheekbone bruise has become faint. I can barely see it anymore. I touch it. Feeling insecure about it, I rummage through my make- up bag that I never use, getting out foundation to cover it up. I don't want to lay it on too thick. I don't want it to appear that I'm wearing make- up at all. I want to look natural.

It's hard making the foundation look natural and covering the bruise at the same time. I'll have to settle on one or the other. I settle for not looking like I been punched in the face. The mascara starring at me, I put a little of it onto my eyelashes. Then, I pull my hair back in a bun and secure it with bobby pins. I go in the bedroom and put on the dress. Why did he pick red? If it is forgiveness he wants, this was not a very smart choice.

"Did you call Jacob back?" He asks, entering the room.

"Yes," I respond, slipping my feet into black strappy, sandles. I switch my purse for a black sequined pouch. "So, where are we going?" I smooth the front of his shirt, even though it's crease-less.

"Donnatello's," He says.

"Ooh, is that French?" I ask.

"It's Italian," He says, with a frown. "Maybe, you should join Jacob at that college he's going to in the fall," He shakes his head.

"He told you about that?" I ask, ignoring his stab.

"That's all he would talk about." He says, seeming pleased.

"What if I take you up on that. What if I go to school, too?" I ask. His eyes pop out at me. "Bella, it was just a joke. Don't take it seriously," He says.

"But no. What if I want to go with them and attend school?" I ask.

"If you're off with your nose in books everyday, what am I suppose to do with EJ? He needs human hands taking care of him," He says, buttoning his sleeve.

"Are you afraid to be alone with your own kid?"

"I'm afraid of breaking him. He's so small," Edward almost whispers this like it's a weird thing.

"I guess I understand you. What about me?"

He laughs. "I'm always careful with you. Can we go?" His attitude about it scares me a little. Not like sending chills up my spine, but making me feel like a few screws might have come undone inside his brain. He rushes me downstairs. Alice smiles at us, admiringly. Jasper looks like he doesn't care at all. He takes one glance our way and then looks back at the TV show. "If he wakes up, just feed him," Edward says. Alice pecks her brother on the cheek, then hugs me.

"You guys have a blast, okay?" She says. I'm hoping my glare can communicate to her that's not going to happen no matter how hard we try.

"What car are we taking?" I ask, as we walk out to the garage.

"The volvo," He answers. "Did you put gas in it?"

"I don't think I ran the gas out. I was driving like a maniac, though. Something I learned from you." I walk over to the passenger side. Edward comes and opens my door for me. I slide in, then he gets in the driver seat. He gets the car started, and stares at the gas mileage. As he's backing out, my eyes fall on the note I wrote for Paul. I buck my eyes at it. It's right underneath his legs. I reach down quickly and grab the note, destroying it like it's a bomb or something.

"What's that?" He asks.

"Oh. Just a receipt," I say. When we gain enough speed, I toss the note out the window and the wind catches it. All the pieces fly backwards as we fly forward. When we get to the restaurant, we get out. Edward opens the trunk and pulls out my black faux- fur cropped coat. He puts it around my shoulders. The restaurants are always freezing cold.

We walk in and are seated quickly. Our waiter appears. Either this is some fast service or we are some special people. I order a three cheese lasagna, a slice of thick chocolate cake, an apple custard slice, and sweet tea. Those are some of the few options I can pronounce without feeling stupid.

"And what will you have, sir?" The waiter asks Edward.

"We're sharing," He says.

The waiter nods and then leaves. In my head, I'm thinking, _wait for it_. And like on cue, he pulls something from his pocket. It's a rectangular- shaped, black fuzzy case.

"Oh, Edward. You shouldn't have!" I say with mock humor, crossing my hands over my chest and making big googily eyes. He frowns.

"Stop it. You haven't even seen it, yet." I put one of my elbows on the table as he opens the case. I stare at the platinum chain necklace. My eyes grow big and I am really surprised. There are three stones on it, positioned close together inside a gold heart. His, Mine, and EJ's birthstones. There are a few gasps in the room as he holds up the necklace. Women in the restaurant swoon over my gift. Their male companions look over in curiosity. Edward stands up and I want to shoot myself. Why does he have to make a scene? Ever so embarrassed, I can't help but blush as he fastens the necklace around my neck. Every eye in this section is watching us. He sits back down. Some women sigh. Eventually everyone gets back to their own business.

"I know you're feeling frustrated with me," He says, keeping his voice low. "You don't know what it's like being in charge of everything. Everything has gotten so complicated. I try to map out EJ's life. I have so many scenarios for when he grows up. He'll have so many questions about us."

"By us, you mean you, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and the rest. The vam... you know."

"I don't know what to tell him. For the first time, I don't know." Edward chuckles, uncomfortably.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't know either," I say. I look down at my hands in my lap. A quiet moment floats up.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about hurting you," Edward says. "I don't even think about it until it's been done. And I feel horrible."

"But, you won't stop," I interrupt him. He looks up at me.

"I promise I won't hurt you again," He says.

"I won't believe that until you give me something to believe," I respond.

"Okay," He says, thinking.

The waiter appears at our table with my food. Then, he leaves. I stick the fork in the lasagna and taste it.

"How is it?" Edward asks.

"It's fine," I say.

"Do you want something different?"

"No."

When it's halfway gone, Edward leans forward with a fork and picks up some lasagna. I stare at him while he sticks out his tongue and tastes it. Then, he sticks the food in his mouth. "Swallow it. I dare you." He chews, which looks like he's grinding his teeth. Then, he takes a big gulp. I am amazed. "What does it taste like to you?" I ask.

"Wood," He says in a dull voice. He looks sick for a moment. "Do you need to spit it out?" I ask, sliding a white napkin across the table.

"No," He says.

I put the plate of chocolate cake in front of me. I offer him some since he's being adventurous, but he turns it down. After I have eaten what I will eat, Edward gets the check, the waiter bags my apple dessert, and we leave.

When we get home, the house is silent and dark. Alice tiptoes towards us with Jasper walking behind her.

"Did he wake up?" I ask them.

"No, he sleeps pretty deep," Alice says, staring at my collarbone, at the new piece of jewelry there.

"I bet you saw this coming," I say.

"I hope I didn't ruin the surprise," Alice says. "But don't you love it?"

"It's great," I respond.

"Bella needs to get some rest," Edward says.

"Bella's fine," I grumble.

"We'll see you two love bugs later," Alice says.

"Goodnight, Bella" Jasper says before he slides out the door after Alice. Edward locks the door and goes and stands by the staircase.

"I'll be right up. I gotta put this in the fridge," I say. He goes up the stairs and I go into the kitchen. I put the apple desert away and then I just start lingering around. Thinking. I turn on the lamp in the living room. I can't believe how serious Jake and Leah are acting. I hope this whole college thing is something he wants. I hope she's not pushing him into this to be with her. I guess I am a little jealous. I would love to run off to college with Jacob, that is, if we were together.

A sound in the office gets my attention. And a red light is blinking in there. I go inside the office. The computer is on. We usually don't forget to turn it off. I sit down in the chair. Another message pops up, making that sound. My face melts as I read it.

_Edward, where are you, you sex god? I need more! -Nastacia._

_Edward, are you there? I need another appointment with Dr. Feel Good. Hook me up, babe. -Nastacia. _

_Edward, come over tonight. Pleeeeeeeeeeease! I'm horny...- Nastacia. _

As I'm going through these emails, Edward appears in the doorway.

"Are you coming? I was starting to worry," He says. Then he leans in the doorway. He knows he's busted and I haven't even said anything yet. My anger is boiling, rising up like volcanic lava.

"Nastacia. What is that, Russian? Is she Russian, Edward?" I ask, my filled with rage. His mouth and jaw are tight. "Do you have anything to say at all?" I fling the key board into the wall, and push the computer over the desk. By his face, he is shocked. Papers fly around me. The computer falls forward and crashes on the hardwood floor. The mess spills by his feet. I look for something else to destroy.

"What is this going to solve?" Edward asks, suddenly restraining me, pinning my arms to my side.

"You tell me, you pig!" I shout. "Let go of me!"

"Not until you stop destroying my office!" He releases me. I turn around and my fist rips across his cheek. His head jerks to the side. I put my hands over my mouth and back away. I put myself in the doorway, ready to bolt if he decides to charge. He doesn't come for me. He just stands there, glaring at me, and feeling his jaw. Then, my hand starts throbbing. Pain pulses through it like a hundred needles.


	9. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 Before I Fall Apart

When the tears start rolling down my face, I know it's not because my hand hurts. Sinking to the floor, I look up at him.

"You promised," I say, my voice breaking.

"This doesn't count. I just made that promise an hour ago. Bella, be reasonable."

"There is no being reasonable with you."

I stand up. He comes closer and tries to help, taking my hand.

"Don't touch me!" I push him back with my good hand.

"Let's talk about this."

"Who is she?" I demand. "Is she a vampire?"

"She's a human," He says, after a moment of hesitation. This doesn't make sense to me. I could understand if she was different like a vampire. His own kind. Why a human? Why another accident prone fleshling. "Human?" I ask in disbelief.

"She means_ nothing_ to me," He says.

"Yeah, you don't seem to value the humans in your life at all. I get it," I retort, taking it personal.

"Bella, I love you," He says, his teeth clenched.

"Go. To. Hell." I say, putting a breath between each word.

"I'll give you some time," He says, not getting it.

He doesn't seem to understand this is the last straw. I broke the fucking computer!

"I don't need time. What I need is for you to leave me alone!" I shout. I run upstairs and retreat to the tub in our guest bathroom. Some time later, he appears with bandages for my hand. He wraps it, quietly. I sit there and allow him. Then, he kisses my cheek. Neither of us say a word. Then, he leaves. I have to get some rest or I will sleep all day long, but I don't want to move from this spot. It's peaceful. The next thing I know I'm outside. Out on the curb, I snatch my necklace from around my neck and put it in the trash can. It has no meaning now. Wearing it would be believing a lie. I'd be a fool. Walking back into the house feels like walking into a prison, walking straight to my forever doom. Upstairs in the bedroom, I get in the covers and sleep alone. I don't think he is in the house, anymore.

When I wake up, it's damn near 1 pm. I sit up and Edward is sitting in a chair next to the bed, watching me.

"Hi," He says.

Not responding, I just get up, take a shower, get dressed.

"EJ," I call, walking to his room. I open the door, but there is no child.

"He's at daycare," Edward says. "I dropped him off, this morning."

I let that sink in. EJ's not even enrolled in any daycare. He's just three. He needs to be with me. "Daycare. He's supposed to be with me," I mumble.

"You are not well."

"I feel fine," I retort.

I walk downstairs. The table in the dining room is showered with food. Mashed potatoes, mac 'n' cheese, steak, stringed beans, a bowl of fruit.

"I'm not hungry."

Then, I go in the kitchen and fix myself a toaster strudel in the toaster oven. As I'm eating, he is standing in the kitchen's entrance, watching. He chuckles lightly.

"You're not hungry, but you're eating. Or you just won't eat my cooking," He says.

"You're quite observant," I say, sarcastically. He stares at me for a moment.

"I'm going hunting," He says.

"Say hi to Nastacia for me," I grumble.

He cringes, and walks out the front door. A week passes. I get more and more sluggish with the coming and going of each day. I want to lay in bed. I'm losing weight without even trying. My hair is in knots. Last night, Edward forced chicken and dumplings down my throat. Opening my eyes now, it seems earlier than the last few days.

"Mama?" I peek over my shoulder. I didn't even hear him crawl onto the bed. "When are you gonna get bettuh? Daddy said you're sick."

"I'm not sick."

"Why are you laying down, then?" EJ asks.

"I don't know," I sigh.

"I made you something," He says, pushing a sheet of white construction paper over my shoulder. It's a drawing of a stick figure woman and a stick figure child. I guess it's suppose to be me and him. At the top, in a greenish blue sky is scribbled, _Get well soon, Mama_. Then, the guilt comes and slaps me across my face. "I made it at daycare," He says.

"Why is the sky green?" I ask. "Did I throw up on it?"

He laughs. "No. I wanted it to be a different color since everybody else's sky was blue."

I lay my head back down.

"Come on, EJ. Let her rest," Edward says, appearing in the doorway.

EJ kisses my cheek and then hops off the bed. They leave the house. The phone rings on the night stand. I pick it up quickly, thinking it's Jacob. I don't know why.

"Bella?" I am wrong. It's Alice's high voice.

"Alice! Hi," I say, faking enthusiasm.

"I'm not even going to pretend I don't know what's been going on over there, lately," She says.

"You could have warned me. You could have even told me" I say, my voice dry. "About her."

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to interfere like that. I should let things take its course. A lot of the times, I hate what I can see. I wish I couldn't see at all," Alice says.

"You didn't have a problem telling me to leave Jasper alone," I say.

"That was different," she insists. Here come the tears. "Bella, don't start crying," Alice begs.

"I'm not crying," I say, my voice cracking too much for her to believe me. Alice sighs, deeply.

"Her name is Nastacia. Is he still seeing her?"

"Bella?" She complains.

"He is, isn't he," I confirm.

"No, he's not," She says. "He's been a good boy, lately."

"Nastacia. What kind of name is that anyway?" I gripe.

"Reminds me of nasty. I bet that's her nickname. Nasty," Alice jokes.

"She is nasty for what she did to me. What does she look like?" I ask.

"I couldn't tell you. I've never seen her in person. He tried to keep her from me too, you know. Because I can see things," She says. She pauses. "Bella, you have to get up. You have a life to live. The whole world is waiting for you."

"That's bullshit. But nice try," I say.

"Go down to LaPush. You love that," She says, and she's right.

"Okay, I will."

"Good. Do it, now."

"Bye, Alice."

"Bye, sweetie."

We hang up and I get out of the bed. Then, take a really long shower. Standing in the mirror bare naked, every bruise is completely gone. Because I haven't been hit in a while. I think it's great that he's trying to be better for us all. It takes me thirty minutes to comb the knots out of my hair. The comb could only take me so far. Reluctantly, I resort to using scissors to cut them out. It looks horrible. Then, I just give myself a whole new hair cut. A bob. I get in his Volvo and drive down to LaPush.

It's a pretty and sunny day out today, and the wind is blowing just how I like it. I walk along First Beach and look out at the ocean. Maybe, I'll go for a swim.

"Bella!" I look up at my name being called. It's Jacob in the distance.

"Jake!" I call back. I run to him and he grabs me up in a bear hug. His hair is down to his shoulders. He looks like heaven. "Jake, your hair," Then I start to get alarmed. "You haven't been phasing?"

"No real reason to," He shrugs with his hands in his front jean pockets. He stops and looks at me good. "Nice hair."

"Thanks." He half smiles. "But you like being a wolf. Running and everything. The wind in your..._ fur_," I look up at the sky. He laughs goofy. He starts walking with me.

"I don't know, Bells. I think I love her," He says, surprising me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I recover. That was, well, unexpected. "That's wonderful."

"I want to have a life with her," He says. "I want to have her babies." I laugh. "Well. You know what I mean," He says. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about myself when you," He sighs. "How are how you and EJ?"

"We're fine."

"How's Edward?" He forces out the name with grimace.

"Better."

"Really?" Jacob bucks his almond shaped eyes.

"Yeah. I guess I have nothing to complain about," I look up at him.

"Nothing to complain about? he asks, shaking his head. "You're hopeless."

"Enough about me. So. Have you heard anything from Washington State, yet?"

"Not yet," He says, his mood souring.

"Don't worry about it. You'll definitely get in," I nudge him.

"Leah's so smart. _She_ will definitely get in," He says.

"You will, too."

"Thanks, Bells."

"Hey, what are friends for?" I ask, rhetorically.

We both stop at the edge of the beach and look at each other. I feel a stupid move coming on. Grabbing his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss. Not a long one, just a brief kiss.. That gets out of control when I feel his tongue inside my mouth. He holds my hands from his face and stares into my eyes.

"What'd you do that for?" He asks.

"Good luck," I say, awkward.

He chuckles. "I guess I can use a little luck." We turn around and walk back the way we came. "So. Where's EJ at?"

"Daycare," I mumble. "Not my idea."

"Well. At least he gets to be around other kids," Jacob says.

"Yeah."

"It's like a Rec center, but for babies. He'll have fun," Jacob says.

"I know," I say, the wind blowing my hair forward, giving me thick bangs.

"Problem?"

"Edward never discussed it with me. He just did it."

Jacob sighs. "I gotta go get Leah from her job," He says.

"Where does she work?"

"At this store called Moonrock Goddess," He says. "It's pretty weird."

"I like weird," I smile.

"I know," He says, chuckling. "Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jacob."

I watch him take off towards the vehicles. After he gets into the Volkswagen, I walk back to the Volvo. Jacob leaves first. Then, I suddenly don't want to leave yet as Paul pops into my mind. I wonder what he would think of my new hair cut. Jake seemed to like it. I put the keys back into my pocket and walk to Paul's house. I knock on the door.

"I'm back here," A voice says. I turn to the side of the house, startled. "Bella. I didn't recognize you for a second."

"Hi," I say. He's standing at the side of the house, leaning his arm against it. I walk down the porch steps and have a look at him. He's smiling.

"What do you think?" I ask, shaking my bob.

"It's sexy," He says, with a smile.

"I wasn't sure if I could pull it off," I say. "It was a spur of the moment thing."

"I'm sure you could pull off just about any hairstyle. I bet you would look good bald."

"What are you doing back there?" I ask, curious, after I'm done blushing.

"I was meditating in the backyard."

"Oh. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay. I haven't seen you in a while. Are you all right?" He asks.

"Yeah." I sniff the air. "Is something burning?" I ask.

"Sometimes, I need the elements to help me meditate. Water, Fire, Air and all that. It sets the mood and helps me think clearly," Paul says.

"Sounds very calming." He puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me towards him. I follow him to his backyard. It's smokey. There's a tent across from the bonfire.

"A sweat lodge. My mom told me about those," I say.

"They're easy to make," He says. He picks a rolled up leaf off the ground. It's stuffed with herbs. "Do you want to try it?"

"Try what?" I ask. "You mean smoke it?"

"It won't hurt you," He says. "It's medicine."

"Paul, I have never smoked anything a day in my life."

"First time for everything," He says, walking towards the fire. I decide to give it a go. Besides, if I almost die, Paul will revive me. I get it from him and stick it to my mouth, enhaling. "Hold it," He coaches. "Then, exhale." He watches me try this with a wild excitement in his eyes. Like watching a foal stand up for the first time. I have some trouble holding it. I start coughing and choking. Paul pats my back and tells me to breathe. He takes the leaf medicine away from me. "Maybe some practice will serve you well," He chuckles. He takes a puff, looks at me while he's holding it inside, and then he exhales like a pro. Then, he offers me another puff.

"Maybe, later," I say, feeling discouraged. My weak lungs would burn out too quickly. I scoot closer to him as we are sitting on the grass in front of a fire, a makeshift tent nearby. I keep quiet while he's meditating. The birds seem comfortable here. They don't chirp a whole lot. They're bold enough to land in front of us and poke at the grass. I keep still to keep from scaring them away. A blue one gets really close to brushing its wing against my knee. A giggle slips out of me, and the bird flies away. Paul starts humming a song. I just close my eyes and listen. I lay down on my back. When I open my eyes again, it's dark. The fire's out, but the smoke is still in the air and visible. He left me outside. I get up and knock on the back door. "Paul?" I discover the door's unlocked, so I let myself in. He's in the kitchen, cooking something.

"Hey, you staying for dinner?" He asks, flipping a hamburger with a spatula.

"I wish I could. I gotta get home and make dinner," I say.

Paul looks hesitant for a moment. "I almost forgot you're.. whatever," He says, not saying the word _married_. I don't say it either. It just feels like a curse when I'm around Paul.

"I'll see you soon," I say. He nods. I go find the Volvo and drive home. It's 8 pm. I'm driving too fast. EJ's probably starving. When I get home, there's no one there. Edward left a note on the kitchen table.

_Bella, Alice and I are taking EJ out to eat, since you're late. –Edward._

I sigh. I crinkle the note up in my hand, resentful. He could have waited for me. I start to go up the stairs. As I pass the office, I notice something different. Something new. I go back and look in the office. He bought a new computer, a new keyboard and a new everything. Everything looks how it was before I destroyed it. Except on the desk, there's no picture of me and EJ like there used to be. Maybe, he forgot that detail.

The computer's turned off. His black blazer is around the back of the chair, a white piece of paper sticking out the side pocket. I stare at it. I want to see if it says anything. At the same time, I feel I am better off not knowing. But I can't resist. I slowly pluck out the note. I unfold it and read it.

_Edward, I know you're avoiding me and I know why. I need to talk to you. It's important. Please, Please listen. I think I might be pregant. -Nastacia. _

My knees give out and I fall next to the chair. Instead of pulling the rest of my hair out, I place the note nicely in front of the computer screen. I tape it to the screen so that nothing can knock it down. I pop open a bottle of champagne. I lay across the ruby chaise lounge, and drink it straight from the bottle. After my calmness reaches its limit, I start rummaging in the drawers in the kitchen, looking for matches. After I find a little box of matches, I go into the garage and get the spare gasoline. I put the jug in the backseat of the Volvo. Then, I get inside and drive out to the dumpster. Ironically, the Volvo needs gas by the time I get there. I fill up the tank and leave it wide open. I make a wet line from the car to a safe distance. There, I light a match and drop it on the wet part of the ground. A fire rises up and then races to the car like a hungry snake. The precious Volvo, more precious than me, is instantly engulfed by bright flames. I just stand there and watch like I'm watching fireworks at a fourth of July celebration. When there's nothing left to look at but a black skeleton of a car, I walk home, satisfied. I walk along the concrete by the side of the road. My feet hurt, but I have felt worse pain than this. When I get home, I open the door, walk upstairs, get in the bed and go to sleep.


	10. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Getting Help

I awake to a bright room. I slept well, better than usual. I sit up and stretch. In the middle of my stretching that's when I realize Edward is in the room. Sitting in his favorite chair right next to the bed. "Oh. Good morning, Edward," I say, innocently. He doesn't reply. He looks angry, fuming even. All he needs now is a pair of devil horns on his head and smoke coming out of his ears.

"You have made two cars disappear," He says through clenched teeth. "Bella, where is my Volvo?" I think back. Oh no. All I see inside my head is flames eating the body of the car, turning it into nothing, like how I was feeling. Like nothing. I took my feelings out on the Volvo, his favorite possession. He's had it since we met.

"I'll get the Mercedes back. I know where it is," I say, sheepishly.

"What about the Volvo. Do you know where_ that_ is?" He asks. His voice is angrier than he looks now. My tongue is tied. I am scared to admit what I did to the car. Edward bangs his fist on the bed, making me jump. "Where's my car?!" He shouts.

"What's your problem? You can just buy another one. You have the money!" I shout back. For some reason, this pisses him off.

"I give you an inch and you take a fucking mile. I have given you a perfect life. You have everything and you lose the one thing I care about," He shouts.

"Edward, I know you don't mean that. You're just mad," I say. Then, I duck my head under the sheets. Nothing happens. I raise my head to see what's going on. Edward stands up, like a giant hovering over me. He swings the chair across the bed. I duck. It misses me and hits the boudoir, and its legs split off like magic. The glass falls to pieces on the dresser top. Edward reaches under the covers. He grabs my foot and drags me off the bed. He drags me around upstairs really fast and then he heads for the staircase, while I'm screaming and holding onto my head and protecting my face. He runs down, dragging me by my foot. The edge of each stair bumps into my ribs. When we reach the bottom, he throws me into the wall. Family pictures break and fall down with me, covering me. Buried in a sheet of broken glass and wood, I curl up in a ball, shaking.

He looks at me, chest pumping, stare blank and dark. Then, he walks away.

"You have lost your driving privileges," he says. I look up and he is leaning by the staircase. "You will call a cab if you need to go anywhere. You're not allowed to touch any more of my cars."

He leaves out the front door. I scramble to my feet. I'm not hurt too bad. The painful bruises from the stairs will fade. I go in the kitchen and pick up the phone. I call a cab service. I tell them I want to go downtown. The lady on the other line says that will be 20 dollars. _Curse her for over charging me._ While I wait for the cab, I go upstairs to check on EJ. Amazingly, he's still asleep. He sleeps like a rock. I tip toe out of his room and grab my purse. I wait outside, inside the foyer of the house. The cabbie honks. I walk out to the yellow and black car and get in the backseat. I pay the driver, a tall, scrawny young man wearing a limo driver's hat.

"Where to, Miss?" He asks.

"Downtown. The police station," I say. My voice is surprisingly calm.

"You got it, Miss," He says. "I'm Corey, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Corey."

Instead of replying, he steps on the gas peddle and takes off up the street. The speed is pushing me into the seat which I'm sitting. When we arrive, I get out, pay him and close the door. I walk up the steps to this grand building. Men and women in black police uniforms are standing around. I walk up to the desk where a man is sitting behind it. He looks up.

"Hey. You're Charlie's daughter, aren't you?" He asks.

"What?"

"The chief in Forks, Charlie Swan. My, you haven't changed much." He says. But I don't remember this guy, at all. My dad's friends are very forgettable.

"Well, I'm not here for that. I need to file a report." The seriousness in my tone makes him perk up and pay attention to me. "You see. Earlier today, right when I woke up, my husband pulled me out of bed and dragged me around the house by my feet." The officer, Officer Sheldon is his name, bucks his eyes, horrified. I continue. "Then, he threw me into a wall."

"Is this the first time he has done this?" Officer Sheldon asks.

"Well. No," I say. "No, wait. Are you asking me if he has been violent before? Yes, but this is the first time he's dragged me around like that."

"Ma'am, I hope you have proof. So many domestic violence cases walk in here without any proof. And then, we can't do anything about it until it's too late."

"I have bruises," I begin to lift up my shirt. He shields his eyes. "Ma'am, no. Go home, take some pictures of them and then come back," He says, without looking at what I'm trying to show him. I stare at him.

"Go home?" I ask, to see if I heard correctly. "If I go home with nothing, I might not have the strength to come back."

"We can't make an arrest without proper proof," He says, his voice matching the sternness of mine. I turn around and start to leave. "Ma'am?" He asks. I turn around. "Do you want me to call the Chief?"

"No."

"Maybe, he can pull some strings," Officer Sheldon says. I don't reply. I would feel so embarrassed if Charlie knew about this. "Leave your address with the clerk at the front. I will send two cops by your house to check on things and talk to your husband." He says. I do what he says and leaves my address with Mrs. Sherice, the clerk. Then, I leave and get back in the cab. Every now and then I will catch Corey looking at me through his mirror.

"Is everything all right, Miss?" He asks, his expression genuinely worried. "You seem a little sad."

"Yes," I lie. He drops me off at the house and gives me his number. I thank him and go inside. When I get in the house, EJ is sitting on the bottom of the staircase. His arms are wrapped around his knees, looking sad and confused.

"I'm sorry, baby. I really had to go somewhere. I couldn't take you." He walks with me into the kitchen and I fix him something to eat. He sits at the table and I put a toaster strudel on his plate.

"But, Mama. I'm hungrier than that," He complains.

"I don't feel like cooking." I clutch my aching ribs. I think about doing what the officer suggested before my bruises fade, but I'm slowing around. I don't want to be here when the cops arrive to talk to Edward. What if he's not back when they get here. Then, I'll have to go downtown all over again. It's not like I can call him and tell him to be here when the cops come because they want to talk to you. I really don't want to be here with him and the cops at the same time. I put another toaster strudel on EJ's plate, trying to fill him up. I go upstairs and pack some clothes in a laundry bag.

Then I pack some of EJ's things too. I call Corey. My hastiness is scaring EJ. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't want to tell him the truth either. So, I just let him look scared.

"Go get your teddy bear. He'll help you feel better," I suggest. EJ then runs to his room to get the bear. Corey pulls up in front of the house. "EJ! Let's go!" I call upstairs. He comes down with his teddy bear. We sit with our stuff in the backseat of the cab. I tell Corey to take us to a hotel. I see the confusion on his face, looking out at the mansion, but he doesn't ask me any questions. He just drives. At Carlito's Inn, there is a pool and a little, quirky cafe. EJ spends the day swimming with some kids who are on vacation with their parents. I spend the day at the bar, trying to figure out my next move.

"What's going on Miss? You look like you got some troubles," The bartender says to me.

"Nothing that concerns you," I say, nonchalantly. He pours me a glass of white wine. "Thank you."

"Or maybe you're just thinking too hard," He says, with a smirk. His piercing blue eyes look out at me under long blonde lashes. I smile and sip my wine. When night falls, I get EJ and put him in the room. I run across the street to the convenient store and buy some snacks. When I enter the room, EJ is jumping on the bed. I glare at him, and he sits down with one last bounce.

"The TV doesn't work," He frowns.

"Stop making that face. You look like your father," I gripe.

"Hey," He complains and frowns even deeper.

I tuck him in and then I go out to the bar. The bartender is still there. He catches me sighing. I go and sit on a stool.

"My shift ain't over until midnight," He tells me. I am the only one here.

"Pour me a glass the of wine, please," I say.

"Yes, ma'am," He says. I drink it slowly. I watch him wipe the counter around my glass.

"Aren't you supposed to be wearing a name tag?" I ask. He smiles and leans over the counter.

"If you want to know my name, all you gotta do is ask," He whispers. I drink some more wine and ignore him. "I'm Kyle," He says.

"Hello, Kyle," I say. I scoot the empty glass towards him. "More." He laughs and then fills my glass up with more wine. I have a feeling he is going to try to ask me out after his shift ends. I want to see how he does it. I want to see what I will say. I watch the clock beside the smoothie blender.

"I know this beautiful creature has a name. What is it?" I shake my head at him.

"I know you can do better than that." I smirk. I'd rather leave him mystified, so I don't tell him my name. "I have to go. I'm tired." I hop off the stool and head to my room. EJ is up again and is trying to get the buttons on the TV to work. He keeps pressing them. "It's broken. Leave it alone," I tell him. I pull one of his story books from the laundry bag and hand it to him. I call Jacob on my cell phone to tell him where I am. I ask him about the Mercedes, although I know getting the Mercedes back won't pacify Edward.

"I'll bring it over to the mansion. I forgot all about it. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault. Don't be silly. It's the Volvo he wants," I say.

"What happened to it. Did you get in an accident?"

"No. I set it on fire," I confess. There is a moment of silence. "Jacob? Are you.."

"Bhahaha! What the hell possessed you to do that?" He asks, after his burst of laughter.

"I was mad as hell," I say. "I can't say I regret it though. I really don't."

"Do you want me to come see you?" He asks.

"I don't know." A quiet minute passes by. "Alright, I gotta go and get EJ to go to bed," I say.

"Alright, by Bells."

"Bye." I hang up. "EJ, sit down!" He's jumping on the bed again. My cell phone rings. I answer it without thinking.

"Hey, baby." I sigh. It's Edward.

"Hi."

"The cops came by this afternoon. I can't believe you called the cops on me," He says, sounding casual. I unpack our things and start putting our clothes in the dresser.

"Well. You were out of control," I say, calmly.

"It's okay. I deserve that. I'm not mad. Just come home."

"Fat chance," I chuckle. "Oh. Before I forget. Someone left a message for you. I put it on the computer where you can see it."

"Don't worry about that. Nastacia had a little accident. I won't be paying child support for a bastard child that doesn't exist." The acid in his voice stuns me.

"Are you saying she lied?" I ask.

"I'm saying she's not pregnant anymore," he says.

"Edward, what did you do to her?" I ask.

"Just come home. I'm over it. The Volvo's gone. I don't care anymore. You were right. It's just a car. I just want you to come home," He whines. He ignores my question.

"No."

"How's EJ?" He asks.

"Energetic," I say.

"Tell him to stop jumping on the bed. He might fall and hurt himself," Edward says.

"You can hear him?" I ask.

"Bella, I can see him," He chuckles. I drop the phone on the floor and look around the room. There is one window, but it leads to the backstairs. It's locked. The doorknob starts wiggling. EJ sits down and stares at the door.

"Mama, whose at the door?" He asks.

"Bella?" Edward's voice calls. "Let me in."

"It's daddy!" EJ yells joyfully. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!-" I clap my hand over his mouth.

"Quiet," I order, my teeth clenched.

I repack everything in a hurry. Taking our clothes out the dressers and stuffing everything back into the laundry bag. I grab EJ off the bed and try to open the tiny rusty window.

"Bella, open the door. Let's talk about this," Edward says. He pushes the door. The screw at the very top of the door loosens. There must be people outside, because he could have easily broken it down by now. I'm struggling to get the window open. The laundry bag string is wrapped around my arm, while EJ is slipping through my other arm. I start to panic.

"Mama, what's going on?" EJ squeals. I give up and knock the glass out with my fist. I reach my hand out the window. It was locked from the outside. I unlock it and crawl out. Then I pull EJ and the laundry bag through the window, next. The door bursts open. EJ screams, terrified. I yank him up and run down the metal staircase. I make it out into the street. I look around, trying to decide which way to run. Edward comes from around the corner. I take off running in the other direction. Humanly, he starts chasing us, trying to keep his pace normal for any eyes that might take notice.

I see a bus up ahead, its lights on, its passengers visible through the windows. I run towards the bus and Edward picks up his pace. "Hey, let us on!" I yell. "Let us on, please! I'm being chased." The bus makes a swooshing sound and just as its doors are closing, I stick my hand through them. The bus driver lets us on. Edward bangs his fists on the doors, scaring everybody on the bus.

"Open the door," He yells at the driver, his voice loud, husky, and deep. "Open up!" The bus driver ignores him and the bus slowly starts to take off. With EJ clinging to me, his legs wrapped around my waist, I move to the back. I watch Edward as he is watching me through the bus' windows, staring square into my eyes. He points his finger at us. I can't take my eyes off him until he is too small to see. I sit down. I listen to how fast my heart is pounding.


	11. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 Caged Bird

The bus is heading east. I'm getting a little anxious because the only person I can possibly be heading for in this direction is Charlie. EJ's not moving, wrapped around me like a ragdoll. I pull him apart from me so I can see his face. It's puffy, like he's been crying, and my shirt is wet. That was too much adrenaline for a three year old. I blame both myself and Edward for putting him through that.

As I rub his hair, he just stares at me with his big green eyes and makes me feel guilty. When the bus stops for the fourth time, we get off and decide to walk. My old neighborhood isn't too far from here. I pick EJ up and swing the laundry bag over my shoulder. When we arrive at Charlie's house, I realize I'll have to explain to EJ who Charlie is since he hasn't seen him since his 1st birthday. I see the black squad car sitting in the driveway. I go up and knock on the door. It's 3 in the morning.

"Let's try again," I say to EJ. Then I knock on the door some more. I wait, holding EJ on my hip. The door opens finally, and Charlie pokes his head of messy light brown hair out at us.

"Hi, dad."

His eyes pop open, his expression confused and sympathetic as he lets us in. Next, I'm sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee he made for me. EJ is asleep up in my old room. I should go to bed soon too. I'm so tired.

"Bella, what happened?" Charlie asks.

"Edward and I, we got into a little scuffle."

"A scuffle? You came all this way because of a scuffle?"

"I wasn't planning on coming here. This is just where we happened to end up."

"Oh. So, you just undecidedly decided to come see your father?" Charlie asks, hurt in his voice and eyes.

"I don't know how you can feel this way. You never call."

"Bells, I call all the time. No one ever picks up the phone!"

I drink some coffee. "Well, dad, you must be calling at some odd times because I always answer the phone when I'm there."

Charlie sits back in his chair. This conversation seems done. I pour out the remaining coffee in the sink and go upstairs to my old room. Later, Charlie comes in and stands in the door way. He looks at EJ, asleep on my bed.

"How's he doing?" Charlie asks.

"He's okay," I say.

"So, where's Edward at, this early morning?"

I shake my head, I don't know.

"Dad, can we get some sleep? I can hardly keep my eyes open," I plead.

"Okay, Bells."

He shuts the door. I cover EJ up and then I get in the covers and fall asleep, quickly.

The next morning when I wake up, EJ's not there. I move my hand around the bed, my eyes half open.

"EJ?" I call. I sit up. "EJ?" I get out of the bed and check in Charlie's room. He's not there, either. I run downstairs, panicking. Then, I run out the front door and stop at the end of the porch and look up.

"Good Morning, Bella," Charlie says, a new smile on his face. EJ is in the driver seat of the squad car, making the sirens on the hood of the car silently whirl around. I suddenly frown up. I was worried for nothing. EJ seems to have forgotten about last night. He looks happy. Charlie pulls him out of the car. "I wanna take this kid down to the diner. 'n' show Cora and everybody," Charlie, says, bouncing EJ up and down.

"That's cool," I respond, about to walk back in the house.

"Hey. How'd you get here?" Charlie asks. I turn around. He noticed there aren't any other vehicles near the house. His is the only one.

"We took the city bus," I say. EJ frowns at me, he's probably remembering. "Okay, well. You guys have fun." Inside, I watch from the window, Charlie and EJ leaving in the squad car.

I walk around the house like an inspection specialist. Everything seems so the same. Nostalgic. In the kitchen, pancake mix is splattered on the counter. So, they had breakfast and they left me some. I stick the plate of pancakes and sausages in the microwave to heat it up. Then, I take it out and sit at the table with a plastic bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup. When I'm halfway through my breakfast the phone rings in the kitchen. I'm hesitant at first about answering it. The caller gives up because I'm taking too long.

I go back to eating and the phone starts ringing again. This time, I get up and go answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella." It's Alice.

"Not now please. Can this wait until after I get back? I know he's ticked. I'm ticked too. He freaking traumatized our child."

"Bella, listen."

"No. Stay away from Edward. I don't need him to find me right now." I hang up on her. The phone rings again. I ignore it. After I finish eating, I lay down on the couch. I watch the clock above the TV. My eyes blink every time it ticks.

Four hours later, Charlie and EJ return. EJ's got a camouflage- green toy truck in his hands.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie says. "Watcha been doing?"

"Nothing," I say, wiping slobber off my chin. "Hey, kiddo. What's that?"

EJ comes over to me and leans over my knees. "Granpa gave me this truck," He says.

"Is it a monster truck?" I ask, growling playfully, and curving my fingers into claws.

"No," he says, his expression dead serious. "It's a Chevy."

"Never too young to learn about trucks and cars," Charlie says, taking off his jacket.

"I take it you went down to the dealer ship? That's the only place I've seen those little free plastic green toys," I say.

"Bella, you need a car. Your own car," He says.

"You did this behind my back?"

"Stop that. I'm your father. I'm trying to help you," He says. "Now, Sue has an old carseat she'd be glad to get rid of. But, if you just _have_ to have a brand new one, we can get something worked out at Penny's. They got baby stuff, don't they?"

I chuckle. "Dad, I have a car. A Mercedez Benz, remember. And he has carseats at home."

Charlie stares at me. "Then, why'd you come here on the bus? If you have so much like you say, then one would think that the city bus is. I don't know- beneath you."

"You know I'm not that shallow headed," I say.

"So, where's your car?"

"On the reservation," I confess.

"What's it doing over there?" Charlie asks.

"It's.. Because.." I can't think of a lie. "Dad, I can't tell you."

"More secret stuff?" He asks.

"You know, you don't have to go and make me feel bad."

"That's not me making you feel bad. That's you making yourself feel guilty, hon'," He says. "And when you hide stuff so much, you know, your lies catch up to you."

"Dad, are you trying to lecture me?"

"Maybe, I didn't lecture you enough," He says, pondering.

"Well, Rene had me most of my childhood. So, if you wanna do the whole parent blaming thing, blame her."

"You call your mother by her first name?" Charlie asks.

"I didn't mean to," I say, although I've called them both by their first names behind their backs ever since I was little. Charlie drops the matter. He always does when he feels like he's about to get his feelings hurt.

When night comes, I give EJ a bath. The three of us sit in front of the TV for a while. Since Charlie has to get up early tomorrow, I put EJ in my old room and take a shower. I pin my bangs back with a few bobby pins. I hear the doorbell ring from the bathroom.

"I'll get it!" Charlie calls, when he sees me about to come down the stairs. He opens the door.

"Hi, Chief Swan."

I back up, knowing that deep, silk voice.

"Hey, Edward," Charlie says. I hurry down the stairs, even though I don't like him right now. He might need help lying to my father. "You called him?"

"Yes," I lie, reluctantly.

"Are you ready to go?" Edward asks, as if this was planned.

"Sure," I respond.

"Wait a minute. Now, hold on. You are not off the hook, kid. I know something's going on," Charlie says to Edward. Then, he's suddenly quiet. I have my back turned, about to pick EJ off the couch. But, EJ's staring off into space, his eyes wide and obsessed with something. I turn around in the direction he's staring into. He's looking at his daddy. Edward's gaze has them both under a spell.

"Thank you for taking care of Bella and my son, but we have to leave now," Edward says, his voice even.

I go upstairs. I take my time repacking, just to see how long Edward can keep dazzling dad. I get EJ. I violently shove Edward on my way out the door. He grunts like it hurt. I go and stand in front of a black Audi R8.

"Have a good night, Chief Swan," Edward says, after he's done glamouring people.

"Goodnight Bells, EJ," Charlie says. He goes in the house. I put EJ in the Audi's carseat. Edward gets in the driver seat. I stand outside of the passenger door.

"What are you waiting on? Permission? Get in," Edward orders, from the driver's seat.

"I thought I wasn't allowed inside any of your cars," I say, cynical.

"Bella, get your ass in the car before I drive off without you," He says. I decide to get in, just in case he's not bluffing.

"That was totally unnecessary," I say, once I'm in the car. "Glamouring my dad, are you kidding me?"

"Put your seatbelt on," He says.

"I'd rather fly through that expensive ass windshield," I gripe.

"You know I'd be glad to make that happen," He glares at me.

"Mama, daddy! You guys are annoying me so yeah can you just take me home," EJ says from the backseat.

"You heard him. Roll us out of here."

Edward steps on the gas. I brace myself for his crazy driving.

Edward is driving over the speed limit. An hour later, EJ falls asleep. Now, I feel like it's safe to talk.

"So. Alice told you where I was?" I ask, as if I don't know the answer.

"Alice 'told' me a lot of things," Edward says.

"She tell you I set the volvo on fire?" I ask. Edward takes a deep breath.

"Let's not dwell on that. Let's dwell on that fact that you are a sneaky, lying little bitch," He says.

"You're out of line."

"Am I?" He chuckles. " So, then tell me why your dog friend comes over with our Mercedez Benz with the most disgusting images of you in his head. Reading his mind was like watching my wife- that's you." He pokes my shoulder with his index finger. "Have sex with another guy. It was like big screen blockbuster porno summer hit. I bet all the wolf boys got their tickets and front row seats!"

"Will you stop it! You don't even know what you're talking about!"

"You lied to me! Every time you go down to the reservation, you're doing some guy. And I thought it was Jacob I should be worried about. Congratulations. You threw me off track really well."

"Don't act like you haven't done the exact same thing to me," I sulk. "Maybe, now you know how it feels."

"How long have you been having sex with Paul," He asks.

"We're through."

"Perfect."

"No. I mean you and me. _We're_ through."

I watch his face. It looks blank. He's just staring ahead, the night around us, and a huge big rig in front of us in the right lane. He pushes harder on the gas. The Audi starts roaring smoothly. A white car flies passed us from the front. Edward swerves into the next lane, putting us in front of the big rig. He turns our headlights off. My heart starts racing.

"Edward?" My voice squeaks. His expression hasn't changed. The big rig's lights are on, but the driver can't see us in front of him. We get too close and it's too late not to die. I grab the steering wheel, but Edward pushes me away. The big rig's horn sounds off, its lights cover us. I duck my head. The next thing I hear is the sound of the big rig passing us by. My heart feels like it's about to pop.

"Stop the car," I order.

"What for?"

"I need to get out. I can't breathe."

He ignores me.

"STOP THE CAR!" I yell. I wrap my hands around his neck, and start pulling his hair. He pulls over on the side of the road and smacks me in the face. I push the door open and get out. I don't know where I'm about to go. I'm just walking towards the trees. He gets out and comes after me. I'm too disoriented to run. He grabs me from behind and we fall to the ground.

I try to pull myself out of his grip.

"You tried to kill us," I say, out of breath.

"Where are you trying to go?" He asks. I grab some grass, trying to hold on to the ground. It slips through my fingers, as he picks me up.

"You tried to kill us," I keep repeating myself.

"You know I wasn't going to let us die," He says. He flips me over in his arms, and carries me back to the car on the side of the road. His right arm hooked under my knees, his other arm supporting my back. My head is upside down.

"Edward, I'm going to kill you," I say, looking at the inverted moon. He stuffs me in the passenger seat, then he gets back in the driver's seat and starts driving again.

When we arrive home, he gets EJ out first. Then he comes back outside.

"Bella, get out of the car," He says. I stare at him for a little while. Then, I crawl over into the driver's seat. "Bella." He reaches in and pulls me out by my shirt. I grab his face, and stick my fingers into his eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask. "If you want me dead so bad, why don't you just kill now."

We're rolling on the grass and he pries my hands out of his face. Every time he pulls my hands away, I find something else to hold on to. "Just kill me. Bite me, Edward!"

"Get off me!" He shouts.

"No. This is what you want, right? Let's make it a fair fight." I crawl on top of him, and yank his head back by his hair. He growls, showing his white teeth. "Bite me."

Neighbors come outside to gawk at us. Standing around in pajamas, they look bewildered and entertained. Only one woman seems concerned and worried. She's got big rollers in her hair.

Edward knees me in my guts, trying to get me off without hurting me in front everyone. I poke my fingers in his eyes again. I take this opportunity to sucker punch him in his face. He kicks my leg down and rolls on top of me. I hang on to his pant leg and end up wrapping myself around it. The woman with the rollers pulls out her cell phone. Edward takes a few steps towards the porch. Then, he bends down to pick me up. He tries to drag me into the house.

I grab onto the porch and shout for help. Edward puts his arms around my waist and yanks me from the porch beam. He throws me in the house and closes the door.

"That. Was really stupid," He hisses, leaning against the door. He's got that dry tongue expression on his face. The doorbell rings. Edward opens it and peeks outside. It's a little old lady. I can't make out what she is saying because her voice is too soft.

"She's fine," Edward whispers to her. "We just forgot to dose her, today."

The lady tries to peek inside the house and see me, but Edward blocks her view. I crawl under the coffee table next to the loveseat. "Thanks for your concern, though. She flips out sometimes, and I get so worried about her." He sighs.

The lady nods and smiles, satisfied with that rubbish. Edward closes the door. He pretends not to see me when he walks pass the coffee table. He pulls my leg and I glide backwards on the glossy wooden floor, taking the coffee table with me. I flip over and toss the table at him. He just knocks it out of the way. He picks me up, throws me on the couch and crawls on top of me.

I buck my eyes as he shows me his teeth. I cry out as he nuzzles his face into my neck, sucking my blood, greedily. The scent has me ready to pass out. But, I try to stay strong… and awake.


	12. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 Love Long Gone

"I want things to change. I want things to be how they use to be," I plead, looking longingly into his eyes. He kneels down and I grab his hair gently into my hand. "I know you can change, I know you want to. I just want the old you back."

"Bella, it's not that simple. I can't flip the switch and just turn back. I need time. Maybe I need to be away from you to do that," Edward says.

"No," I plead, my voice cracking. "What will I do without you."

"You don't need me."

"I can't live on my own. I have never done that," I say.

He sighs. "I'll give it another shot. I don't know how to live without you either," He says. "I promise. I'll change."

"That's all I ask. And that you mean it, this time."

"I do."

"Thank you."

"Mama," EJ calls. He's sitting on the stairs, peeking his little face between two beams.

"I'll take care of him," Edward says, getting off the couch. I smile at EJ as Edward picks him up and takes him upstairs.

"And give him a bath!" I call up.

I go into the kitchen for a snack. That thing about my blood was a little startling, I'll admit. Is it me or my blood that he loves? Is that even love, if not me? I guess it's a vampire thing.  
Jacob has been saying forever that all Edward wants to do is kill me. What is so special about my blood, anyway. I pull the apple dessert out of the fridge and grab a fork. Sitting down at the table I start to eat. There's that sound in the office again. I sigh. What now? Agitated, I scoot my dessert across the table and go into the office. There's that flashing light. A message popped up. I read it.

_Edward__  
__It's Nastacia. I'm in your office. We really need to talk. Please come.__  
__-Nastacia_

Interested myself in what she needs to say, I grab Edward's keys off the counter in the kitchen. I tiptoe outside and get in the Audi. The car comes to life, and I drive down to Opened Hearts, the pediatric center where he works as a pediatrician. The building is 15 stories high and mostly glass from the 10th story and up. I believe his office is on the 13th floor, humorously. I park the car with the employees' vehicles and get out. It's dark. I'm the only one out here. There are a few other cars outside. I'm guessing the hot pink corvette belongs to Nastacia. Maybe not. I use the keys on the ring to get in the building. I have to explain to the receptionist who I am because I never come to Edward's job. I get on the elevator and it takes me to the thirteenth floor. I get off and walk down the hall. I open the door using the office key on the ring, after trying several others.

I push the door open. The light is off. The window is so big, it takes up the entire wall. From where I'm standing I can see the clear night sky and the tall buildings across the street. Sitting in Edward's chair, facing the window is Nastacia. She whirls around, her straight, fluffy blonde hair bouncing.

"Edward, I'm so glad you." She stops. "Who are you?"

I anticipated this, her looks. She is stunning. I frown. She's wearing a skin tight, bright orange, sleeveless dress. She looks like a supermodel or a tennis player. Her accent is Russian.

"I'm Bella Cullen," I respond. She stands up, confused.

"Are you Edward's sister. He told me he had two sisters," She says, coming from behind the desk. She reaches out her hand to me. I hesitate. I decide not to shake it.

"Did he tell you he has a wife, too?" I ask. She shakes her head and mutters something unintelligible. Damn it, Edward. Atleast find a woman who speaks English.

"No. Never," She insists. Her voice, with the heavy accent is reminding me of Dracula's. She looks me up and down. My insecurities are written all over my face. And it's clear she thinks she's better than me. "You are not what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"If Edward had a wife, I would expect." She ponders. "I don't know how to say. I just expect something different. Someone more like me. You are… housewife, no?"

I don't need a translater to understand that she just insulted me, purposely. It's clear they are still seeing each other. So, I don't need to ask that. What would be the purpose of telling her to stay away from him? He is the other half of the problem. My hand is shaking by my side. Like a reflex, I punch her in the face right after she says "housewife."

Her head bobbles back and fourth, and I grab her neck with both my hands. I push her back on the desk. She kicks her black heels into my stomach and flips me over on top of the desk. Then she crawls ontop of me and grabs my neck and starts choking me. I struggle and kick the laptop off the desk. Papers get caught under my kicking legs.

"You stupid American girl. Edward Cullen loves me. He buys me jewelry," She brags. I kick her between her legs, and kick her off me. She grabs my hair and we roll across the desk, onto the floor. I bang her head several times into the leg of the desk until I see blood coming out of her blonde hair. I stop and get up, and she trips me with her leg. We're pushing against each other. She tries to push me into the glass. I turn around until she's the one facing the glass. I try to force her into the chair, but she still wants to fight. She grabs my bangs and pulls hard. I push the chair into the glass while she's almost sitting in it.  
The chair goes through the glass, bringing down the entire window wall. It shatters completely. Flustered, I look around. I don't see Nastacia. She screams.

"Help me!" She says. I step on the ledge and look down. The wind is blowing my bangs back. I step back when I can see the cars down below. Thirteen stories down. "Help, please!"

I get down on my knees and grab her hand that's attached to the end of the floor of the office.

"Stop kicking. You're making it harder!" I complain. She reaches her other hand on the ledge and I help her pull herself up, halfway. She's breathing heavily. So, am I.

"You saved my life," She breathes, the bottom half of her body is still hanging out of the office.

I nod, scared to death. "You're welcome."

She crawls back inside, and we sit by the desk where the chair would be, trying to regulate our breathing back to normal.

I realize if she had fallen, I could be charged with first degree murder.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you," I say.

"Don't worry. I'm fine," She says.

She puts her hand across her stomach. Then, I remember something. She was pregnant. Now, I feel bad.

"Are you okay. I forgot you were," I don't finish the sentence.

"Not worry 'bout that," She smiles, awkwardly. "I lost the baby days ago."

A part of me wants to be happy about this, wants to sigh from relief, but it just feels wrong to secretly celebrate.

"I'm so sorry," I tell her.

"I think Edward killed my baby," She says. My jaw drops.

"I think you miscarried," I say. "Why the hell would you say something like that? Trying to blame my husband? I almost felt sorry for you!"

"Please, calm down," She says. "He gave me pills to cure my morning sickness. They only made the baby go away. I checked the pills on a computer in the lab. They were abortion pills."

I stare at her. My face is frozen. I can't believe this.

"I would go away with the baby, if he wanted that. But he wanted to be with me. I don't know why he did that," She sobs. "I wanted to tell him tonight that I'm going to the police."

I stand up, stumbling on my feet, and hold on to the desk.

"Don't ever talk to him again. In fact, don't ever see him again. Ever. For your own good. You hear me?" I grab her face in my hands. She nods.

I leave the office. I get on the elevator and go back down to the first floor. The receptionist tries to speak to me. Maybe she wants to say _have a nice night_, but I walk right past her and out the door. I go get in the Audi and drive home.

I open the door and walk into the house. I keep my expression light. Edward is just putting on his twill coat.

"I'm heading out to the office. I got an urgent email. I'll be right back," He says, then he kisses my forehead and leaves out the door. I hope she's gone when he gets there. After the door closes, I run upstairs. I pull two suitcases from the top shelf of the closet and start hastily packing my clothes, my belongings, and anything in the bathroom that I need. I put it all in the suitcases and put the suitcases by the top of the stairs. I run to EJ's room and quietly pack his things in a Mickey Mouse suitcase. I peel the covers back and carefully pull him out of bed.

I stick his suitcase with the others and go outside to the garage. I strap him in the carseat in the back of the Mercedez. Then, I go in the house and get the suitcases. I stop by the kitchen and pull a kitchen knife from the wooden set and stick it inside my jacket. I put the suitcases in the trunk, close it, get in the car, and pull out of the garage.

EJ is still sleep, his small hand closed around the toy car Charlie gave him. I'm flying down the street. Not really thinking about anything in particular. I know if I focus my mind on one thing, Alice will be able to pin point me. I call Jasper on my cell phone. I'm desperate and scared.

"Hello?" He answers.

"Jaz, It's Bella," I say. "I need you to do something for me. I need a divorce. I need it, now." I cry into the phone.

"Hold on," He says. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I look up. "Everything's wrong. I don't want to be near him. You don't understand. He's different. He's not the same person he was. I don't know what caused it, but I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't."

There is silence. "And please don't side with him," I add.

"Okay," Jasper finally says.

"And if it's possible, I'd like to settle this out of court," I whimper.

"I'll see what I can do," Jasper says, his voice weary.

I hang up, driving fast. I believe I'm heading south, out of Washington State.


	13. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 Holding My Own Hand

Everyone has that moment in life where they realize there are things about the world that they cannot change. So instead of longing for an impossible miracle, I just have to make life enjoyable for me, again. Flying on the highway in an expensive car and a toddler in the backseat, two things hit me. One; Edward is not the man I married, anymore, and two; I will eventually end up dead if I don't do something about him. I enter the state of Oregan. My cell phone rings, I check the number before answering. It's Alice. I don't think there's much harm in speaking to her if I can control my thoughts.

"Hi, Alice," I say into the phone.

"Oh my god.. Bella, are you nuts?" She asks.

"Why do you ask?" I ask. I don't know what she's talking about.

"I'm hiding in my closet right now. He hasn't come looking for me, yet. But he definitely will," Alice says. "Listen up, Bella. All of his cars, and that Mercedes Benz you're driving, have tracking devices in them. So you might want to get rid of that car."

"Tracking devices? Aw,crap!" I gripe. "You tell me this, now?"

"If Edward finds me, you are dead. Literally, this time!" Alice says. "Jasper is working on your divorce papers for you. He told me about your little convo, earlier tonight."

"It has to be done," I say. "I can't live like this anymore."

"I will miss you, Bella, as a sister," She says.

"Alice, we can still be sisters," I say.

"Not like this, we can," She says. I can hear the frustration in her tone as she speaks. "Something's got to give. Just let me think."

I get off the interstate, and turn the car on a solemn road.

"Bella! I just had a vision," She says.

"What. Just now?" I ask. "About what. About me?"

"I don't think I should tell you. Something might change it," She says.

"Alice, is it good or bad?" I beg her.

"I can't say," Her voice sounds sad, now.

"Alice, please. Help me out here," I beg.

"I can't say," She insists.

I stop begging and start sobbing.

"I have to go. Edward's here," She says.

"Don't let him find you," I say.

"Bye, Bella."

I hang up. I keep driving until I'm almost out of gas, and the sun is starting to rise. I pull over at a gas station and fill up the Mercedes with gas. Then, I walk into the convenient store to pay for it and get some snacks. The cashier rings up my items and I slip him my debit card. After swiping it once, he has a confused look on his face. He swipes it again.

"Miss, do you have another card? This one's not working," The teenage cashier says.

"What do you mean it's not working?" I ask. "Try it again."

He does, and gives me this _there's no use_ expression. "There's no money on it. Do you have another card? We also take cash."

"Here. Try this one," I pass him a credit card that I barely use. He swipes it. Then, he shrugs his shoulders and gives the card back to me.

Reluctantly, I pull a twenty from the wod of money in my purse. The paper money was suppose to be for emergencies only. I guess Edward canceling all of my credit cards counts as an emergency. I pay him and then I go out and get back in my car. I start driving again. I stop by a bank to create a new account, using my middle name and my mother's married name. Marie Dwyer.

I plan on calling Charlie to ask him if he can wire me some cash. I will put it in this new account. Next, I stop by a ragedy looking dealership to trade in my black Mercedes Benz. All the cars look cheap, but driveable. The owner of the dealership allows me to trade my car in for $69,000. It's original price. I use $4,000 of that money to buy a really cheap car from him. The rest goes straight into my new account. I pull the carseat out and get my son out and put everything in the new car.

I drive away in a red, used Ford Focus. I think about finding a DMV and changing my entire identity, but I guess I'm too attached to my real name. I'll think about it. I stop by Mikey's Firearms and ponder outside the shop. I don't even know how to use a gun. I leave EJ in the car and go into the shop. Oddly, it has a fortune teller feel to it. Mardi gras beads decorate the see- through cases. I look through the case. My eye falls on a silvery gun with a black handle. It's beautiful.

The guy leaning by the cash register comes over to me.

"I know that look," He says. He is a round man with a reddish brown mustache and a trucker's cap on his head. "You just fell in love."

"I don't know anything about guns," I confess, quickly.

He points his finger down on the glass at the gun that I admired. "That there's a Beretta 92fs. Perdy, ain't she?"

"Gorgeous," I mutter. "How much?"

"$560. But before I sell you this gun, I gotta know you can use it properly," He says. "My name's Kirby, by the way."

"Hi, Kirby," I say. "I'm Bells."

Kirby takes the Beretta from the glass case. He takes it apart and teaches me what each part of the gun is called and what it's for. This particulay kind of gun was invented to fix a defect of the military guns before it. Kirby leads me out back to a shooting range and teaches me how to use this gun.

"You wanna hold tightly on the grip and focus your eyes on your target. Keep your feet pinned to the ground so you don't go flying all over the place. I filled the barrel for you. Now, all you gotta do is shoot. Pull back on the trigger, but not too fast."

I do what he says. I imagined Edward's face in place of the white wall with black circles on it. I'm suppose to shoot as close to the center as possible. My finger placed in the curve of the trigger, I pull it back. The bullet releases and the sound awakes my whole body, like a loud crack of thunder going off inside of me rather than around me.

"You'll get use to that vibration, with practice," Kirby says. "Try again."

I practice for about 15 minutes. Then, Kirby turns me to an array of empty cans sitting on high tree stumps. Out of 20 cans, I only shoot down 5 of them. Kirby tells me I'm good for a beginner. I think he's just saying that to be nice. We head back inside and he sells me the full gun and I pay for a set of 9mm bullets, separately. I get back in my car.

I put the gun in the glove compartment and drive off. I drive straight through Oregan and into Nevada. We only made stops for food, to fill up on gas, and to use the restroom.

I drive into the state of Arizona, heading for Phoenix. Why Arizona? It is my first real home. It is the first place I ever lived that I felt safe and in control. The Arizona heat is both unbareable and nostalgic. I rent an apartment in Pheonix on the first floor of a complex. So if something should happen, we'll have an easier and quicker escape.

Making dinner one night, I look out the kitchen window and see a silver volvo. My heart stops as if I had died. Fear races up and down my spine. Then, I think it can't be him. I killed that car. I didn't imagine it or hallucinate it. Turns out, it was just a neighbor happening to drive the same vehicle and color.

I serve EJ mac n cheese and put him to bed. Once he falls asleep, I put a heavy duty lock on his door. Only I have the key. No one can come in and try to take him without making a lot of noise and waking me up.

I'm afraid to call Alice and ask what's going on, what's Edward up to. I'm afraid to call Jasper and check up on my divorce, or call Jacob. He might be off the rez. All their phones could be bugged or tapped. If anyone does call, I'll have to keep our conversation really short.

Alice hasn't called in four days. Charlie called, though. We stayed on the phone for three minutes. I didn't tell him where I am. His thoughts aren't safe. We just talked about how I'm feeling, how I'm doing, and that he loves me and wishes there was more he could do to help, and then our conversation was over.

Tonight, like the previous four nights that I've been here, I sleep with the gun under my bed and the knife under my pillows. While I was dreaming, I thought I heard Edward call out my name, in his soft, deep voice. I answered back, saying his name outloud. My own voice woke me up. Then, I had to question if it was really a dream or real. I turn on the lamp by the bed and look around the room. I am alone. I cut the lamp off and try to get back to sleep.


	14. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 The Beginning of the End

I wake up in the afternoon. I don't even realize what time it is until I look at the alarm clock beside the bed. "Crap!" I get up and run to EJ's room with the keys in my hand. I unlock the door hastily. I open it and look inside with a sigh. He's watching tv. Not making a sound. I wonder if he tried to open the door. He looks at me, from sitting on the carpet indian style with no expression on his face. He seems fine.

"Can I get something to eat?" He asks.

"Um. Sure," I say, my hand on my forehead, looking frazzled. He follows me into the kitchen of the apartment. I pour him a bowl of rice crispies and some cold milk. dollar store brands. He crawls on the chair. Either the table is too high or the chair is too short. I can't see his whole face while he's sitting at the table and for some reason it's bothering me.

"Why don't you eat in the living room?" I suggest. He hops off the chair and I carry his bowl of cereal into the living room. I go and get a towel for him to sit on, just in case he spills his food. Things feel comfortable. EJ isn't asking any questions about anything. He doesn't seem to mind this small apartment. I'm just waiting for him to jump up and ask me about his father and when are we going back to our real home. I don't know what I will say, then.

I leave EJ and step outside the apartment. I go down to the mailboxes and get a newspaper. When I get back, I sit at the kitchen table and look in the jobs section. Because I'm gonna need one when the money I got for the mercedes benz runs out. Then, that got me thinking. I could get into a college or a university. I had decent grades in high school. I think I could do good. But what will I do. Nothing pops out in particular as far as majoring goes. I guess one that will lead me to a job that's in demand would be the logical choice. Maybe accounting, or teaching. I circle an ad for a nursing home that needs a helping hand. It doesn't say anything about being a real nurse, neither does it ask for background in nursing. Maybe, I'll have a shot if I dress nice and flirt a little.

I walk outside for a moment, and feel the short breeze as it runs across my face, flipping my bangs to the side. One of the neighbors turns off his lawn mower to speak to me. He's elderly, round around the middle and bald.

"Are you Bella Swan?" He asks. My eyelashes shoot up. I haven't introduced myself or EJ to anyone around here.

"Yes," I say in a worried voice, without even thinking it through. What does he want and how does he know my name?

"Someone came looking for you. A young man. He described you. I told him he had the wrong address. I would have sent him next door, but I didn't know I had a new neighbor." He winks. "I'm Terry Finkleman."

"Hi, Terry," I say, cortly. I am not interested in him right now. I am interested in the man who came knocking, looking for me.

"What did he look like?" I ask Terry.

He shrugs. "Tall, thin, kinda reddish hair. gold eyes," Terry sort of shivers while he's talking about the eyes. I thought that's who it was. Had to be.

"When did he come?" I ask, the Arizona sun in my eyes.

"A couple of nights ago," He says. I think about the dream I had last night. It could have very well been a dream. But Terry is making that hard to believe. Edward's been snooping around here. Bugging the neighbors, asking about me. He's probably watching me from some far off distance right now. But I'm not scared. My Beretta gives me a little courage. A little faith that I will be able to take him on and win if that moment ever presents itself. I hope it will never come to that. But with Edward, I never know what to expect.

I go back into the apartment, after looking around a bit, as if I would see him peeking out from behind a tree or something. EJ has finished his cereal and now is scooting his toy car back and forth on the carpet. I hear my phone ringing and I dip into my room and reach in my purse, retrieving it.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?" It's Esme. I roll my eyes really hard.

"Hi to you, too. So nice of you to call."

"Where are you? Alice won't share anything with me," She almost growls.

"I can't. say. It's crucial," I trail off. Oh forget it. He knows I'm here. "Arizona," I grumble like a child.

"What on earth are you doing all the way down there? For heaven's sake, get back to Forks. I miss my grandson."

I roll my eyes again. It's good she can't see me doing this. I won't get the glare. "I can't."

"Why not?" She asks. I don't know how to respond. "Is this about Edward?" She guesses. "Aw, honey. You are being silly."

"I don't think putting distance between myself and that psychopath is silly at all," I say, nonchalant.

"I'll send Carlisle for you."

"Don't send anyone for me. We're quite fine where we are," I say, feeling at the end of my rope with her.

"Just assure me this isn't permament. And that you'll be back," Esme says. Her voice has tightened. I don't have the answer, but saying never would probably kill her. EJ is the closest thing to a child of her own she has ever had. Sometimes I do keep him away from her to punish her, whether she knows this or not. But, now it seems cruel. The crack in her voice makes me hate myself for doing it before. But he has to stay with me, and I can't be in Forks.

"It's not. Just for a little while. We'll return real soon, but you know I can't promise you anything," I say.

"I understand," She says, sounding a little stronger. We hang up. Based on what Terry said, I know Edward is in Pheonix. I just don't know where, not that I want to find him. He can't be out in the day for vampire reasons. That's when I'll conduct business. And at night, I'll cuddle up to my gun. That's no way to live forever. I don't plan on it. It has to end.

"Mama?" I turn my head quickly, startled by my own son's voice. I sigh.

"What?"

"When are we gonna go to granpa's house again? I like granpa Charlie." He comes and puts his chin on my knees.

"I know you do," I stroke his cheek. "And soon."

Starring at him feels like going back in time and starring at Edward as a little three year old boy. I imagined he looked just like this. Edward doesn't have any old pictures of himself or any of his mother, Elizabeth. So, I could be totally wrong. I don't hate the features, or the hair, or the eyes he got from his father. Yes, they remind me of bad times, but they also remind me of good times. I guess I'm trying to stay positive.

Tonight for dinner, it's commercial mac n cheese again. This time with frozen chicken pot pie you just pop in the microwave for a few minutes. Tomorrow, bright and early, I plan on going to that nursing home and seeing if I can get a job there. Why hasn't Jacob called? I hope everything's all right. Just the sudden thought of him is making me anxious. I pick up the phone, ready to dial his number instead of waiting for a call from him. Then, the doorbell rings. I put the phone down. The tv is loud in the living room. I tell EJ to turn it down. I look through the peep hole. Oh, hell. It's Edward. My heart thuds crazy fast in my chest. I press my ear against the door.

"What do you want?" I ask. Careful not to say his name, and get EJ all excited.

"I just want to talk," He says, his voice calm and smooth as ever.

"Did you talk to Alice?" I ask, remembering she had a vision she couldn't tell me about. If he got to her, he knows what it is.

"Yes," He says. "That's how I found you. Everything's going to be fine from now on. I saw it in her head. We're going to live happily ever after."

"You liar," I whisper against the door. "You will say anything to get me to go with you."

"Bella, her visions don't lie," He says, still trying to convince me.

"I met your girlfriend. Nastacia," I hiss.

"That is over," He says with a growl.

"Oh, I know it is," I say. "Because she's never talking to you again after what you did." A tiny laugh breaks away from me.

"I want to see my son," He flips topics. "EJ!" He calls.

"EJ, go to your room," I say. He looks at me, not sure if he should listen to me. He hears his name again.

"Daddy?" He asks, coming over to the door.

"EJ, It's daddy. Tell mommy to let me in," Edward says, wiggling the doorknob.

"It's bedtime," I turn him away from the door and push him towards his room.

"But I wanna see daddy," He whines loudly. I don't have the key with me. I put him in his room and rush to get my gun. I load it with five bullets. I go back to the front door.

"You need to leave. Now." I want to show him my gun, but I would have to open the door to do that. Edward laughs.

"Bella, what are you going to do. You are aware that guns can't kill me, right?" He says.

"How do you.."

"Bella, your scent. It's not hard to track. I know where you've been."

I tighten my grip on the trigger, even though the gun is pointed at the floor. He is just making me so mad.

"I just want to talk to you."

"Go away, Edward. Please. Just leave," I beg. "If I open this door, I won't stop shooting until you are dead. And I don't want to have to kill you. I don't. You are making me do this," My voice cracking. Hot tears roll down my cheek. I truly don't want to hurt him. I still care for him. I don't know how to turn that off.

"Alright. I'll go," He says, softly. I peep through the peeping hole. He is walking away.

"That's it. Walk all the way back to Forks," I whisper to myself. I walk into the hall. I stop when I see EJ out of his room, leaning against the wall, starring at me and my gun.

"Mama, why are you crying?" He asks in a small voice.

"Mama's not crying," I say. Then, I go into my room and come back with the keys. I lock him up in his room. I put on a jacket and grab the knife from under my pillow. I get on my cell phone and call Edward.

"Hi," He says, his voice sounding hopeful.

"I'll talk to you, but not here," I say.

"Then where?" He asks, intrigued and curious.

"Do you remember that old ballet studio?" I ask. He's silent at first. Then, he chuckles.

"Yes."

"Let's meet up there. Say what you have to say. But know this: If you try anything, if you try to stuff me in a car or anything at all, I'm going to start shooting, and stabbing you and then setting you on fire." I wait for his response. He lets out a big laugh.

"Cute."

I hang up on him. I think about getting a neighbor to watch EJ for me, but I have left him alone so many times before that he should be fine until I get back. This shouldn't take long, anyway. I tuck my cell phone inside my back pocket. I put the knife in my sock and roll down my pantleg. The stress is making me nervous. I pace in the kitchen for a while. My phone rings. I pull my phone from my pocket.

"Hello?" I ask, my voice raspy.

"I thought you wanted to meet me." It's Edward. "Or are you backing out."

"No. Never," I say.

"Then, what's the hold up?" He asks. "I'm here."

"I'll be there. Just give me a minute," I say. Then, I hang up and put the phone in my back pocket. He's right. I am having second thoughts. What if something goes wrong and I can't get away. What if I miss.. a lot. This is suicide. What if he's lying, and he's right outside waiting to grab me when I step out. I know he says he just wants to talk, but it's never just talking with Edward.


End file.
